Back to work today. in Since OD is shutting down....

My days off have been fantastic. I’ve decided I’m not going to take my Adderal on the days I don’t work because then I can have an appetite and sleep normal. I was napping yesterday and my Mom kept blowing up my phone which was starting to piss me off because it’s like okay, I’m not answering so I must be busy! Leave me alone!! Like it’s just so fucking annoying!!

I spent much of my day Sunday with my niece and then went to Heather’s. She helped me out with some food which is much appreciated and hopefully I will be able to get by. I am so tired of worrying about food when I’ve never had to before. I am so tired of not making enough money and constantly worrying about money that I could fucking puke.

We have some people that do both stores and now that the GM and that other bitch are gone from there, I’d really like to go back. I’ve text my boss about it a couple of hours ago but she hasn’t answered so I don’t know what to do or say. One of the people that I worked with is going to talk to the other boss about it today if she sees him. I’m just hoping she can convince him because I really don’t know if I could handle a second job physically or mentally. I’m already tired that I just don’t think it’s possible to work more than I already do.

I’m still very grateful to be single and so happy that headache is gone. I just don’t think a relationship should be extra stress, extra aggravation, or an added expense. I thank God everyday to be back to being me and not have to worry about someone else or how they are going to act when they’re angry. That guy was a fucking joke and I’m so fucking glad to be away from him. I’m still super pissed about my passenger door being fucked up because of his temper tantrum but it’s just another reason why I’ve been single for so long. Every time I’ve even let men drive my car, there’s damage done so it’s better to just be single.

I went to the bank earlier and forgot my car payment money so I’m going to leave here soon to go pay that. I’m annoyed at myself for not being awake enough to remember it and now I have to make another trip. I’m debating on whether I want to go get my glasses fixed too. I’m hoping my Mom doesn’t plan to stop by on her break today because I just want to sit and do nothing by myself. I just get annoyed that I don’t hear from her until it suits her.

Last night I was thinking about how much I’ve let people use me and I just can’t do that anymore. I’ve been really good about telling people no but with Dan, I couldn’t or he’d go bat shit crazy and then I’d have to come home or else he’d just sit and fight with me until he did. He just had way too much fucking control and if I would have stayed with him, I would have just learned to fucking hate him. I miss the companionship but not the relationship. I miss having someone to care for me and spend time with but he wanted me all to himself. He didn’t understand that I had a life before he came along and he was going to do everything in his power to make it hard for me to see my niece and my friends.

I'm just so glad that it's over and I'm going to chalk it up as he wanted too much his way too fucking fast. He was seriously trying to not only change me, but change my personality along with my priorities. I don't care who I'm with, I still want to have a little bit of my own life. I don't want to be with someone who has to follow me around everywhere and does what they can to stop me from seeing people I care about and it taking forever to get places.

I feel kinda tired and it’s annoying the shit out of me. I went to bed early and got up early but I almost want to lay down and take a little nap. I hate this feeling right now.

So I think I’m gonna go make the car payment and get my glasses fixed.