Back to my life. in Since OD is shutting down....

Things have been so much better the past few days being able to get enough sleep and do my own thing without being a rush. I am so fucking glad to be single and never have I wanted to get away from someone so badly than I did with that piece of shit. I have a little bit of extra money now because I’m not having to pay for someone else’s shit and I’m hoping to make enough between today and tomorrow to make a car payment and pay my student loans. I still need to pay on my cable bill, even if it’s a little bit because it was due yesterday.

I went to the Dr yesterday morning and they gave me a flu shot, a different type of insulin that I only inject once a week and prescribed Adderol. I had to go today to get help paying for it and then had to spend an hour at a pharmacy because the lady waiting on me couldn’t find the fax and was just a rude old bitch. Maybe she should get her 20 year old cobwebs cleared out and then could have a nicer attitude. I was getting pissed because I hadn’t eaten yet and I was starting to feel my blood sugar dropping. I haven’t taken it yet but I plan to because I go to work.

It’s cold and rainy here today and I can’t get warm. I am definitely not ready for winter time at all. I’m glad that it’s not super hot either but I’m not looking forward to blizzards and having to drive in it.

I’ve been able to go over to my brother’s house every night when I get off to visit and kiss my niece goodnight. I’m gonna try and work all day Saturday so I can get off sooner to go get her. I’m just so glad that I’m not dealing with a relationship anymore and actually have time for other people and be on my own clock again.

I’ve realized more and more how much better off I really am by just being single. I don’t want to be in a relationship ever again. I remember thinking with Dan that it’s either going to work out or just completely sour me on relationships and now, I’m completely happy just being single and being my own person. There’s just way too much baggage and bullshit to put up with when I’m in a relationship and I just can’t see myself putting up with anyone long term. I still like sex and plan to have a hook up here and there but as far as relationships, never again!

I have to leave for work in about 2 hours so I’m going to lay down for a little bit and just relax. I absolutely love my comfy bed and my big fluffy comforter and don’t want to stay anywhere else ever again.

So because of Dan repeatedly slamming my car doors, my passenger side door now creaks when you open it and is bowed out some. I thought maybe someone hit it but there’s no dent, no missing or new paint and you can tell by looking at it that it doesn’t sit flush with the frame. I am absolutely livid but I’m going to have my friends husband fix it over the weekend. It’s just bullshit but it’s my own fault for allowing this person to be around in the first place.

I am just so glad that it’s over. It’s nice not have to spend money that I can’t afford that I wasn’t comfortable with, I no longer have to worry about him bringing the dog into my car to trample on stuff and I don’t have to worry about running around tired as fuck. I also don’t have to worry about further damage to my vehicle too. I still owe thousands on that car and I am always so careful with it so it made me furious that he would bottom it out and slam the doors as hard as he could all because he didn’t respect me or how hard I have to work to have it.

Anyways, I have to work a split tomorrow which sux but hopefully I’ll make enough for a car payment since I wasn’t able to make one last week. I’m still hoping to either get back on at our other location or I’m going to find a day job. Last night I was getting really stressed and overwhelmed because I wasn’t making shit and my car was acting up. It’s okay now but I am going to have to get some new brake pads at some point. He was always slamming on the brakes too so there’s another thing that I get to pay to fix because of someone else. So much fun.

Another thing that happened that i’m not sure I wrote about was he came into my work Monday and was talking shit about me to one of my co-workers. Apparently he was saying I was a crazy bitch that would flip out for no reason and I was absolutely livid. My co-workers know quite a bit about me but I don’t want them knowing about my relationships, whether it’s negative or not. I do like to keep some things out of the work place because it’s no one’s business or concern. I told a manager about it and she said that if he ever does it again while she’s there, she will tell him to leave. I just don’t appreciate this at all and it took everything I had to not call him and just go off.

They aren’t his co-workers anymore, they are mine and I don’t want them knowing my personal business like that. They’ve all asked me what happened and I’ve told them that it just didn’t work out. I did tell one manager quite a bit but that’s because she’s proven she’s not going to talk about it behind my back and she can actually keep shit to herself. I told her about my car door last night and she asked why I was even letting him drive my car. That was a really good question. I honestly don’t even know why, other than to avoid him going bat shit crazy because that’s what he did when things didn’t go his way.

All I really want is just to forget about this person and go on with my life so I really hope he will stay away from my job and just completely vanish. Nobody I work with liked him in the first place and so many of them said, “I told ya so” which pisses me off but I know they’re right. I’m just glad that it’s over and now it will be nothing more than a distant fucking memory. It’s absolutely bullshit how much he used me, how much control he had, how much damage he’s done to my vehicle, how much I was expected to put up with AND he’s coming into my place of employment running my name through the mud?!?!?! UM, okay, how about telling them what you did too! This guy was always so quick to point out my faults and how I was ALWAYS in the wrong but took NO responsibility whatsoever for anything he did!!!! It would have been nice if while he was bashing me for him to also tell my co-worker how he scraped the whole underneath of my car over cement and then slammed the door as hard as he could and then the fucker wouldn’t open!!!

What a nervy son of a bitch. I just hope to God I don’t have any more dealings with him or he’s going to see a crazy bitch!! I put up with WAY MORE than anyone ever should have and yet, I am still the fucking bad guy!!! Probably fucking not! I just get so tired of being made out to be the bad guy in every situation regardless of what the other person has done to me!!! For him to come into my work and run my name through the mud not only angers me but it’s embarrassing and humiliating. It’s no one’s business what happened between him and I. It also irritates me because I don’t want these people to think that i’m just going to flip out at any moment either. That is definitely NOT my character and I don’t want people having tarnished opinions of me because of a jilted ex that doesn’t know when to fucking quit!!!

Ugh, obviously I’m still pretty upset over this whole thing. It’s just so crazy how someone can seem to perfect for you in the beginning and make you so happy to turning around and making you so glad to get away from them!! I also think it’s a really great Christian attitude for him to have pulled this shit of talking about me like he’s done too. What a fucking hypocrite! He’s just done so much to prove how little respect he had for me and then talking about me behind my back is completely innapropriate and disrespectful. I just honestly hope he goes the fuck away.

Anyways, I’m going to eat lunch and start getting ready for work. I hope the Adderol is going to help because I’m really sick of bouncing off the walls and not being able to stay focused at work.