I Feel Good! in Packrat

I feel good
I knew that I would now
I feel good, I knew that I would now
So good, so good
I got you

• written by Naomi Neville, performed by James Brown

“You”, of course, being my bottle of ThyroidCare. I went to my doctor yesterday, and he advised to stay on it and also took away some of my medications or cut them down, something I didn’t expect!
…I haven’t been dieting per se, just watching what I eat, not having more just because I like it (I don’t want Baby to pick up bad habits from me), and somewhere in there I lost 21 pounds!
… I used to walk around our pow wow grounds but haven’t felt up to it, but I’ve started walking around my building so I’m moving at least.
…I can still flare up, but I no longer feel that my head is going to explode or that I’m overwhelmed, and I can take care of things more quickly because I’m not dragging myself around to do it.
…I’m a night owl, and before bed I like to read or write in my paper journal. My norm of late has been to come in from work, fall asleep in a chair, wake at some point in the evening, drag myself around to feed my furry babies (and cry over the drudgery of my life), try to read and write but fall asleep, wake in the wee hours on the couch with my mouth hanging open, and then drag myself to bed.
…But now I’ve been staying awake, taking care of my babies (whom I really do love, and without crying), reading and writing. The lady who takes care of my brother at night stays with us and has fed my outside dogs for the last three days, but I fed them this morning because I missed them. In addition to the feeding, cleaning, and watering, in the last two days, counting today, I gathered and took out the trash, cooked supper, did dishes, cleaned the bathroom, moved two dog houses (over fences), and buried a puppy ( : ( the whole litter but for one is gone, having gotten ill; the one left had been thin, too, but he’s gained weight, is shiny, healthy, bouncy, and happy - but I named him Drac, for Dracula, since he has a black coat and survived when his siblings didn’t). It may not sound like much, but it’s far more than I’ve been up to doing lately!
…I don’t have super energy but it’s sustained. I’m happier being able to read or write without falling asleep and dropping my books on the floor.
Speaker. My cousin and I are scheduled to be speakers at a symposium in Iowa next week. My counterpart “assigned” me a topic, which peeves me - did he do that to anyone else? The topic is not within my field of study, and I already know many have a chip on their shoulders about us, thinking we know nothing, so I’m not feeling this; anyway, I decided this morning that I’ll go but I won’t present. My cousin’s topic about language revitalization will more than fill our allotted time. The topic I had in mind dealt with NAGPRA and our lawsuits, which I find compelling, but someone reminded me that we’re talking to “grandmas and grandpas and kids”. Anything I could come up with wouldn’t be as well prepared as I’d like, so I’ll just save myself the stress. I’ll need to take pictures and cover the event anyway, and this frees me to concentrate on that.
Work. I’d been dragging on that, not wanting to come in, wishing I could go away where for a while I could just do nothing, but happy days are here again! I caught up on things I let slide and my monthly report for September is already done and ready for our directors’ meeting tomorrow. I can actually see my desk now.
Social life. S has been very busy. We saw each other Labor Day weekend but then I hadn’t seen or heard from him. I know he gets busy (and he works some weekends and holidays), but two weeks went by. I sent him an email that asked, “Did you unfriend me?” (He’s not on Facebook.) He met with the BC the day after my birthday and stopped in to see me; he said if they don’t hire him back, we’ll still be friends. I answered, “I know - try to get rid of me.” (Maybe I scared him.) He’s been keeping up by email and text again.
…In the meantime are plans with Mr. Smith. He, our friend, and I had plans to meet for dinner and to catch up, and her daughter stopped by. (She’s the one I wanted to see with sparks flying between them.) Sistah is another mutual friend I’d seen the previous day, and she told me to tell him she said Hi. He asked, “Did you tell her we had a date?” We all laughed that he had a date with three women. He bought my dinner that night because of “our date” and after he wished me a Happy Birthday he said he owed me dinner because he had been “late to our date”. I said he doesn’t owe me anything for that (I was late myself) but that we could still go to dinner, and I joked, “How guilty do you feel?”
…He keeps calling our outing a date when I thought we were just hanging out, and I know a “date” doesn’t have to be a date date. (I sound like I’m in high school!) Once upon a time we could have moved in a certain direction, but that has been embedded in the sands of time - not that it couldn’t happen, but for both, methinks, those feelings have to break free and shake off the dirt.
…He’s going to be the head man dancer at a dance next month, so Sistah and I are planning our weekend. Our friend, her daughter, and he have birthdays at the same time with mine not far from theirs, so we said we all have to celebrate them together. He said he’s in for all that - dinner with me, the dance with Sistah, and the collective birthday celebration.
…I don’t think I’d be thinking anything had S been communicative as he usually is (and I don’t mean he has to call or text every day at all hours of the day - that would drive me nuts - but he let two weeks go by), and I don’t know what we are anyway.
Pay. My paycheck still does not reflect my raise. I’ve received my fourth one since getting the raise and usually it’s added by the second paycheck after being approved. I’ve been having trouble with our finance department since I questioned certain charges to our budgets, but I have no qualms about tattling to our treasurer if need be. I’ve already had to do it for money coming to our Nation. I’ve been lenient because I knew they were installing and learning new software, but c’mon. They can still get the paychecks out when they’re supposed to be. My raise isn’t astronomical (although I wish!). Another petty thing to get my dander up, but it’s an irritation now rather than a major catastrophe. Another of those “Why can’t you do your job?” kind of things.
Life is good!