Another Loss in 2015

We yet again had to let go of another faithful friend. He was actually Robert’s dog after his Dad died. But he was all of ours just the same. Bear will be forever missed. He suffered another stroke and fell down the stairs outback he broke his hip and his right paw. The children were upset but Hope the most and she woke with bad dreams several times and I had to get her calmed down. I’ve had very little sleep over the past few days as on Sunday Robert went to the hospital with severe pains and had acute appendicitis. He had surgery that night and I picked him and Heather up yesterday after getting Hope and John ready for school with picture day and that included also packing two lunches. I was so happy to see the bus come. Then once we got Robert home we called the vet lady that lives around the road and she came and handled helping Bear cross over the Rainbow Bridge. She is a sweetheart and does this for us from the goodness of her heart. She knows affording this is beyond our means. She is so loving as she does it and held his head in her lap and kissed him on the nose to say her goodbye also. Shawn who wouldn’t let Robert dig a hole dug for near 2 hours with breaks because of his health it was hard going but it was done.

I just feel like I can’t find the time these days for so much that I need to do. I wake in the morning watch the kids go out the door and then fall back to sleep me and the pups in my chair. I sleep for sometimes 2 or 3 hours. I just want to sleep and not bother to get up. I shouldn’t be that way but without certain meds I am more and more depressed. I hate Charcot and what it does to me and how it can wrap the depressed mode around me and keep me so withdrawn. I have my grandchildren and they keep me out some but on most days now that school has started Bobby stays in the room with CJ who spends her day in bed. Heather does the same until time for them to come home from school. If she has the children she babysits then she will come out here otherwise I see my little ones in passing and that’s it. Faith will run back and forth between me and her parent’s until CJ leaves for work. Faith and Bobby are the only ones who eat with me as Shawn and CJ eat in their room and Heather has her two in their room with her and even lately Robert eats in there.

There is so much going on and all keeping us so poor and struggling to keep ourselves above water trying to make sure we keep the mortgage up and power bills paid and just having such a hard time. I write this out today just to remember this and I know that I have to continue to keep my faith knowing that anything I take to God in prayer and believing he will answer. CJ has to have another of her test next week to make sure that the cells haven’t spread if they have then it means another biopsy and the test alone can throw her into pre term labor and could mean that little Luke Wayne could be born way before he should. I worry over this and Shawn’s health and Mom who is falling back more and more each day.

I pray that you all are doing well and I do think of you each day I just can’t get to you like I should.