Something you don’t want people to know about you. in PolyLife

Something I really don’t want people to know about me is how insecure I truly am. About everything. I want to come off as this strong and confident, young woman.

I’m not at all confident though.

I used to have a REALLY bad self esteem problem. I hated looking in the mirror, I thought I was this horrible person undeserving of love, and I honestly just hated myself. It was terrible. It’s just an awful feeling to hate yourself.

Thankfully, I’ve started to get over hating myself. I’m at the stage where I don’t think I’m that bad. Sometimes, I feel really good about myself. Sometimes, I feel pretty and intelligent.

Not always, but better than never.

That whole ‘fake it till you make it’ thing definitely has some merit. I portray myself confidently. I shake hands firmly, I make decisions, I make eye contact, I try and put myself together every morning and it makes me feel better about myself.

But, damn there are times where the insecurity just really gets to me. There are times where I sit there at work and look down and think about how fat I look in this dress, or how stupid I am for messing something up, or how lazy I am for not working on homework.

That’s what I never want anyone to see. Those moments where the old me who hated myself sneaks back in and sucks the happiness out.

I hate feeling vulnerable like that.

I do love going into work looking awesome though. Between the long looks, the compliments, and just the sheer professionalism that I portray, I feel unstoppable.
Yesterday I went in to cover for my coworker who had to leave early for a doctors appointment. I had just bought this adorable little dress at Target and HAD to wear it. Everyone liked it.

M definitely appreciated it. It’s always nice to hear a compliment from those you care about. Matt liked it too. His compliment was a little more on the raunchy side though lol.