Exhausted in Musings and Daily Events

I stayed up late last night finishing Gossip Girl. Now I’m tired. I’m running on four hours of sleep and a Starbucks coffee.

So today is probably going to suck. I have a Chemistry exam. I suck at chem. It’s the whole reason I changed my major. Hopefully I’ll do somewhat okay on this test. I don’t know we’ll see I guess.

Yesterday, I told M that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue things now that he’s married. Then I thought about it and realized it doesn’t really change anything, does it? Once I told him that I was okay with it, he really cheered up. It was a world of a difference. I guess that means he kind of cares whether or not I’m in his life so that’s always a nice feeling. I guess I freaked because I realized my actual feelings for him.

Whatever, I’m just gunna go with it. Though if she gets pregnant then I’m out. I’m not risking he finding out about us while she’s pregnant and potentially losing the baby. I’ve been there and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

I can’t wait to see E later. I really want a hug. And cuddles.

Last night I was upset. I don’t know why. I guess I was just in a funk. E handled it so well. He made me laugh, listened when I wanted to talk, let me just get lost in my tv show, and was just there for me. I realized this morning that he didn’t get on call with is gaming buddies because he didn’t want me to be alone. He’s so sweet. I love that he’s always there for me.