What happened? in Musings

Geez guys. I once again forgot about this place. I honestly haven’t taken the time to figure it out. I don’t get the whole “Book” thing. I am not sure how to find people I want to find. And I generally feel exhausted at the prospect of having to figure out a newmedia platform. Much the way I feel about Tumblr, Reddit, and even Twitter. I’m old. And being a mom kills brain cells. I’m certain of it.

But I’m here. Im writing. I miss it desperately.

I read over my last update to see what might have changed since then. Honestly? Not much. Still raising a crazy toddler. Still dealing with Nathan not being able to find a job. Still running my Etsy shop (though it has grown a lot)

I keep seeing friend after friend find new jobs, have first babies after 5 years of trying, move to new locations, have all their deep desires and prayers answered. But it has been over 2 years since Nathan got fired from his job that he found after months of searching. And it has been almost 3 years since he got fired from his job in Arkansas.

And I tell myself constantly to just be thankful for what I have. A husband who loves me. A healthy and happy little girl. An amazing supportive family. A small business that is growing. A roof over my head. Food to eat. Etc

But it is hard when so much hinges on this potential of a new job. Mostly baby number 2. I shove the baby fever down in the deepest parts of me because I know no matter how much we want another baby, it can’t happen until we have more income. We are hardly making ends meet as is. And my business can’t grow more until I have more time. Which won’t happen until Leah is in school since most of my time is dedicated to her. And I have done the math. Even if I get a full time job with the cost of daycare I won’t be making enough more a month to make any sort of significant difference.

Plus I think that Nathan getting a new job will help so much in raising his self esteem. He’s so down and dejected about it all. Application after application. Interview after interview. And nothing. It hurts him deeper than I know he cares to admit. We think it may be time for a new career path. But the thought of more school is daunting.

I just feel… Stuck. Ready for a change. Ready for more.

Well that’s probably more than enough for now. Maybe next time I write won’t be months away. Maybe.

Last updated September 23, 2015