How you ask? in PolyLife

How can you be so totally and obviously head over heels for E and yet do these things behind his back?

I have no idea how to answer that, to be completely honest.

If you’re referring to how can I say I love him and see other people, that I can answer. I am able to love someone and have sex and other relationships with other. E is my primary. He is my everything. I don’t care about anyone else nearly as much as I do him. He’s my priority.

How do I live with going behind his back? That’s a different story. I have no idea why I don’t feel guiltier than I do. Sometimes, I feel sort of bad. But then…I think about how much he loves me and how good he says I am to him when we’re together. I know I’ll stop doing this when we start our lives together. So I guess that’s why I don’t feel bad? I don’t know, I’m honestly just hypothesizing here.

Maybe I’m just a sociopath, who knows?

I’m not going to make excuses. He’s an amazing boyfriend. He’s everything I want in a man (granted, yes he could be a little more motivated to get his life together but he’s working on that). I do not deserve him. I keep making bad decisions by constantly going behind his back. Am I a bad individual? That’s up to you to decide.