makin' it rain....in the beer aisle in Everything

So on my way home from work yesterday I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a 12 pack of beer. I see some Miller lite on the top shelf about shoulder height, I grabbed the handle of the previously mentioned 12 pack and just as it cleared the shelf the handle ripped and the entire 12 pack cardboard came undone. I tried to catch some of the cans in some misguided notion that I could or that it would somehow minimize the impending mess. It didn’t, in fact it just scattered them worse. As they hit the floor they were rolling in all directions except for 3 or 4 that hit some of the lower shelves, they punctured. They sprayed me, the aisle, the cooler, basically everything with 50 feet. Again out of some misguided attempt to minimize the mess I attempted to grab some of the spraying grenades that were at this point spinning all over the place. The commotion apparently piqued the curiosity of some employees who appeared just in time to see me covered in beer, surrounded by loose cans (some still spraying beer) and holding two horribly mutilated cans trying my best to keep some dignity. I’m sure to them it looked like some low life had a rough day and walked into the beer aisle and just completely lost his shit on a poor defenseless 12 pack. I put the 2 cans down, grabbed another 12 pack, supported it with both hands walked past the 2 employees who haven’t said a word yet, but were trying to stifle laughter as best they could. Paid for my beer at the register and left soaked in beer and self pity. To make matters worse this is the same store that witnessed my knee give out when I tried to get a can out tuna from the bottom shelf and me completely destroying a cardboard display of spices in the ensuing aftermath of trying to regain my balance. I can’t believe they haven’t banned me from entering the store yet.