Sigh, Big F'ing Sigh. in In The Eye of Every Storm

Isn’t there a quote that goes something like, “if you go looking for the devil, he’ll find you?” Well, being the asshole that I am, not being able to help myself, and I guess just being curious/suspicious....I went through my wifes facebook messages. Skip the details of why I was a little suspicious, but I find that she’s re-connected with an ex. Back when we were first dating he wasn’t very respectful of our relationship and made allusions of wanting to get back with her. Granted there were a few states between them so nothing physical happened, I still didn’t like it. Once our kid was close to being born, I just told a few of her friends/ex’s to fuck off because they couldn’t be respectful. So I tell them to fuck off and they do.

Well I went looking for shit and I got some thrown in my face. Now, what they talked about was nothing bad or innapropriate, but I had thought we were over this long ago that ex’s couldn’t be friends. Same applies for me, I don’t talk to my ex’s, nor do I have any desire to. Apparently not the same for her.

I feel saddened. I feel dissapointed in her. I feel angry. I feel my trust has been abused. Yeah, I know, this seems petty and blown out of proportion. Things have been great for years, and now I feel like the asshole I had to be all those years ago. All these negative feelings I had back then came rushing back. I thought I had put the past behind me and I learned to trust her, but shit just came flooding back.

So now I’m tasked with having to bring it up and probably have boatload of nonsense that it will stir up. I don’t even know how to approach it so I’m just trying to let it sink in for a moment and then have the talk so I’m not bursting at the seams.

Sigh