Morning shenanigans (NSFW 18+ Only) in Musings and Daily Events

So, I saw M this morning. It was fun. I love seeing him in the morning before I head to school. It’s a nice way to start the day.

Approaching NSFW 18+ please

I got him a coffee from starbucks. He picks me up and we head to the usual spot where the fun usually happens.
Okay so in my head all morning (because I couldn’t sleep at all last night) I came up with this plan to seduce him and hopefully he’ll want to actually fuck me. Like I brought a condom and everything. There’s a few reasons we haven’t fucked yet but I don’t know I wanted to see if I could entice him enough to forget about those things lol.
But, we start kissing and I literally melt. My brain turns to mush and all I know is the feeling of his lips on mine and his hands on my breasts. He pulls my top down (I’m wearing a strapless dress today because if we ended up fucking it just makes things easier) and he captures my pierced nipple in his mouth. He worked it with his tongue and brought me so close to the edge. I would’ve came but he stopped and switched nipples so I kind of started all over again lol. Then he rubbed me through my panties and I came. I came hard. Like panting, shaking, my world just blanked for a second kind of hard. So obviously I had to return the favor in his (and my) favorite way. I slide his cock into my mouth and truly just enjoyed it. He’s so thick though and I have a hard time getting it all in there without seriously gagging. he’s probably the biggest cock I’ve ever had (besides Mike but he’s on another totally unfair level). I licked and sucked on his balls. It was awesome, I love sucking his dick. I wish we had more time and space so I could just be there and really enjoy and worship it like I want to and it deserves to be, you know? I want to take my time and learn all of the veins and really just give it all the attention he deserves.
We just need a day. Just us in a room with a bed nothing else.
In my head, it’s going to be this really awesome thing. I imagine myself getting on top of him and giving him a massage, learning all of his sensitive spots and enjoying his body. I imagine us having slow and sensual sex and also the primal, animalistic, rough pounding I think we both want.
I don’t know but I can’t wait for this to happen.

Anyway, I totally forgot to write about Dylan sort of coming back into my life. Dylan is a guy who I went on a date with, then like a week later got a girlfriend. We’re still friends and it’s been pretty much platonic. Every now and then we’ll sext and basically use each other to get ourselves off (using sexts and the occasional skype) but nothing major. I sent him a pic of me that I took recently and since then he’s been messaging me a lot. It’s stayed sexting but he did invite me over one of these Mondays. I said no because “I have a boyfriend” but honestly it’s just not worth it. The one time we had sex wasn’t all that great and his girlfriend is really cool and just a bunch of reasons why I shouldn’t.
But, I don’t know I was thinking about it and I was like what if it was bad because it was the first time you know? So I was tempted but then I ran it by M (because communication is important) and he was iffy and I was like yeah it’s not worth it if it’s going to hurt M and be bad and screw over his girlfriend who I actually really like. So I was like eh fuck it not worth it.

Now Z, if that ever happens, is another story. But, I’m so on the fence about going further with him. I like him. A lot. But, being with him is hard and causes much heartache. I don’t really want to put myself through that. When we were a thing, before I started dating E, we would be together and hang out one day then he’d disappear for weeks or months and message me back randomly whenever he gets back from where ever. I get it. You travel a lot and whatnot for work. Would it kill you to shoot me a message when I message you asking how you’re doing or feeling so I know that you aren’t dead. (He has cancer so I’m not just worrying for no reason.) It’s hard to not feel a little used when I’m with him. Like, we’ll hang out, fuck, get food, and that’s the last I hear from him until he decides to message me back the next time he wants to hang out.
I mean it happened just this week. We hung out on Tuesday. We made plans for me to spend the night at his place (platonically, he has an extra bedroom) the following Monday. Days go by I hear nothing. I message him Sunday night AND Monday and hear nothing back. Not even to say hey, can’t make it sorry. It’s infuriating.
But part of me still really cares. I caught feelings, Ugh. So anyway, I’ve decided banging him is a bad idea. It’ll only hurt me in the end while he gets his rocks off. Not fair.
I’ll end my rant here since class is about to let out. I think I’ll start another entry in the poly book. I want to rant more.

Last updated September 17, 2015