Tim was admitted to the hospital this morning after landing back in the ER with this chest pain that is totally not cardiac related. They wanted to keep him overnight for observation and are doing a non-stress test and a carotid artery ultrasound in the morning. This just fucked everything all up today. The kids are staying overnight with Chantal because I couldn't call off work. I tried to, and was informed that I wouldn't be paid for Thanksgiving and the day after, which were work holidays for us, because of the policy of not getting paid for holidays if you call off on the days on either side of them. I just cried because REALLY?! With Tim being out of work so much lately he has NO PTO left and they no longer let your co-workers gift you their saved up PTO so he is just not getting paid for today or tomorrow at all and who knows if he will be back at work any time this week? So I just cannot afford to not get paid for what would have amounted to three days, counting tonight. This is just awful. His dr. came in and a different cardiologist came in and they think maybe it is fibromyalgia related. Which FINE but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?! I am so tired of them saying, well maybe it's this, maybe it's that but not TREATING him. Tim got upset when I got upset and started saying that he shouldn't have even stopped working when this episode started this morning, he shouldn't have gone to the ER, because this is a big waste of time and they're not going to find anything, and on and on. I just wanted him to be quiet for a few minutes so I could regain my composure. I just want someone to fix him. I spent some time at work tonight Googling instead of working (because fucking BITE ME WORK) and it sounds like from what I read about fibromylagia and chest pain, that it could be costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage in your ribs that produces chest pain that can feel like a heart attack. I'll ask Tim what he thinks in the morning and see what his doctors say. Thankfully my work is only a few blocks from the hospital so I am going over there in the morning when I get off, Chantal will have the kids off to school so I don't have to be anywhere until 3pm when I have to pick up kids. Tim thinks they will release him tomorrow and that will be it. I'm kinda determined for someone to get him some treatment though. Apparently the only real treatment that is available for this inflammation is NSAIDs, sometimes muscle relaxers (which they probably won't give him), maybe a steroid shot in the inflammed area, and I guess the last resort type of treatment is a nerve block. Just, like, ANYTHING here people. Please. I know he won't want to do the muscle relaxers because it would affect his work, but maybe the steroid shot would help? Maybe rx strength ibuprofen? Who knows.
I keep telling myself, don't lose your shit over this, because someone has to be the captain of the ship right now. But I am so tired of seeing him in pain and not being able to do anything about it, so tired of being in charge of everything. I just want to lay this burden down for a few minutes. But it can't and won't stop. I just have to be strong right now. I am trying not to think about how this is going to affect us financially, right before Christmas. I have managed to keep a little cushion in our checking account and we have money in a credit union account for Christmas presents, I have bought enough presents for extended family that all I really need to focus on are the kids and get the few things left I wanted to get them. Of course, if shit hits the fan, they will just have to understand, but even as much as I hate my job right now and their stupid stupid fucking policies and the sporadic enforcement of them, I have to be grateful that I at least have a job that pays me just enough for us to get by on my income alone, at least for a little while.
If you're a good thought thinker, please think some for Tim and us. I just need them to get him back together again.
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