evan and i. rape. comfort. hand there. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

to be clear no evan didn’t rape me. he never has. although one night a littleover 2 yrs. ago we almost had sex completely consensual. i was ready and i got all excited and then i. decided i wasn’t ready. so we didn’t.
um but no. he’s been. great lately. the other day i think it was tues. i was talking about the fact that i’d been raped. 5 yrs. ago. and i said to him ‘i know you already know this but i was raped’. yes i actually said those words. and he just got quiet for 10 mins. while i talked about it. i mean he was sad for me. which is what i wanted. i wanted someone to have compassion for me. and he does. and devotion and loyalty. he already is who i want him to be i just want more of it. i don’t need perfect but i want it. he’s one of the sweetest, most imperfect people i’ve met. um but no getting back to my point. that was exactly the way i want someone to react when i talk about it.
i think. i’m getting more comfortable w/ him. on um fri. oh i guess that would’ve been yesterday i had my hand on his leg. i thought of moving it but then i’m like no i’m ok w/ this.
and so earlier he was hitting on me. as he does. he might’ve been drinking cause he never hits on me sober. and he said something eluding to sex or something and he’s like ‘i’ll do it if you’ll let me’. i just think that’s so great. to have someone that sweet and that loving and that respectful. imperfect but ya know who isn’t? no he’s a good guy. even before we were going out he was like this. i think he’ll be good for me when it comes to recovering from the 2nd rape and in fact he already has.is.has been. by just. being sweet and loving and respectful. maybe it sounds like he’s perfect and he isn’t. i could count the ways in which he’s not perfect. um but anyway. no he’s just good. good to me good for me in regards to recovering.