piano bland in poetry

Maybe the characters in PIANO MAN wouldn’t be so depressed
if they didn’t have to listen to fucking Billy Joel.

Maybe Davy is completely happy with his naval career
maybe he’s on track for an admiralcy
maybe he killed Bin Laden and is selling the movie rights
maybe he’s only melancholy about the way his life has gone
because he’s currently listening to fucking Billy Joel.
You would be too.
You start to question everything about the decisions you made
when the outcome is that you’re stuck listening to fucking Billy Joel.

Maybe Paul never wanted a wife
maybe Paul is into some really freaky shit
maybe he’s perfectly happy in his domestic partnership
with a full-scale latex Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony
maybe the only reason he’s slipping into melancholic doubt
is that he has to listen to the treacly mediocre no-effort factory standard
faux-working-class laments of a horrible little rich douchebag
from the richest part of Long Island named
fucking Billy Joel.

Maybe John at the bar is happy to not be a movie star
he lived in L.A. for a couple of years and saw how it can ruin you
how it can hollow you out and leave you with nothing to say
except for boiler-plate bullshit and ballad cliches
like fucking Billy Joel.

Maybe the waitress will be a really GOOD politician!
Maybe she’ll get us nationalized health care!
Maybe the businessmen have chronic health problems
and getting stoned is the best thing in the world for their disorders!
Maybe this is the most fortunate bar on Earth
full of the most positive and forward-moving people
just stopping by for a drink after a long day of changing the world
and they are only suffering these five minutes of wavering
of ennui and recrimination
because these are the five minutes
they have to slog through the soulless middle-of-the-road unmusic
of fucking Billy Joel.

I mean, Christ
“Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” came on Mr. Rogers’ car radio once
and that was it
he drove off a bridge right there.

Oh, I know that’s not how they reported his death
it was a big cover-up
fucking Billy Joel has a lot of fucking money.