Here again in 2015

I’m here guys and just making it. I have an appointment with the Social Security board on Monday. To see if it’s worth taking the judges decision over his head or just to apply for the SSI that is way lower. They are saying that they can’t prove that I was disabled during the time of 2006 to 2011, 2011 is my service date which is the last date they can take. He continued to say alleged when it had anything to do with the Charcot so I went and had a blood test. It’s a dna test of sorts that will match with Heather’s and my other family who have it. The results aren’t back yet hopefully before Monday. I cant apply on Bobby’s for disability as it has to be done 7 years after his death. And it’s well past that. I can get widows pension but not til I’m 60. So here I am oh and I can’t get medicaid unless Social Security states that I’m disabled. Life goes round and round and it’s driving me nuts. In the process their are other financial difficulties here. And we pay or they pay the things that keep the house running. But I try to not say things that I need this and that I’m out of this med. I can’t put anymore on my kids than they have. I mean CJ is looking at some form of surgery 12 weeks after Chance is born if not before if the cells are worse when they recheck at 32 weeks. That’s a big worry. Things are just so stressfull and I’m losing so much of my ability to do things. I now with my back have some terrible issues with severe muscle spasms. Which of course means more meds if the SSA board would just say this woman is disabled then I could get the medicaid which would pay for my meds. My depression meds are near 50 and my nerve ones higher I just can’t keep feeling llike I do. I’m down, depressed and really at a low place. And Mom isn’t doing well and that is really getting to me also.

I figured I’d stop in say hello and of course blow a little steam off where I could and not hurt anyone. I have been trying to do my crochet some for the new baby a bit to take my mind off and away.