stress over in 2015

11:04pm

I haven’t written in a while. I guess mostly I don’t know what to talk about because there isn’t much going on in my life.

It’s the last day of the month though, and maybe I’ve had a bit to drink [but don’t tell!]. Did you see the “Blue Moon”? It was pretty fantastic. And I know it doesn’t really look much different than a regular ol’ full moon but it still seems special just to know it’s not typical.

I so love the idea that it’s the end of the month and there’s this blue moon as a send off. Like, so long horribly stressful month! It’s time to start over. Start fresh. The week’s over and the weekend’s here. There’s a new month and a new day. The moon will start it’s cycle over again and all will be right. =)

These last couple of days have been particularly stressful. Some stuff happened with JR and work and I felt horrible. It was one of those things where you’re walking a super fine line between business and pleasure [or just plain ol’ friendship in our case]. I feel like maybe I have a strong/straight moral compass though and I can’t make exceptions. It has nothing to do with him; I just can’t. So I felt bad and then everything was just stressing me out.

I was telling Mom today that maybe I shouldn’t leave the house anymore. People on the road super stress me out. Like everyone’s just so rude and inconsiderate. I can’t stand that at all! And I’m probably way to quick to anger and rage, but I’m seriously trying to work on that.

I’m pretty sure that my stress is a major cause of this supposed high blood pressure. Did I write about that? How the doc put me on a low-sodium diet [even though I barely eat salt] and gave me 3-months before he strongly encourages medication? Well yeah, that happened. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe I do have chronic stress.

It’s always been one of those things in the back of my mind. A lot of my health symptoms tend to fit in the category of excessive stress and I always laughed it off. Because I don’t feel stressed on a daily basis. But maybe it’s just not something I’m consciously aware of. And now that I’m thinking about it, well, it’s become more obvious. People cause me so much stress. Everywhere! I just jump straight to anger/stress/anxiety and I can’t help it. I mean I never do anything in front of anyone, but I sure do throw a fit in the car. Cursing and flipping out. I’m not even trying to react like that, but I can’t seem to help it.

Maybe bringing it to my attention will make it easier to regulate and keep under control? I’m already trying to use meditation as a helpful technique to teach me to relax and be patient. We’ll see how it goes. I really need to get life under control. I need to seriously take care of myself for a while. I’ve let it all go so far.

My mom thinks I need to see a therapist because too many people in the store gives me anxiety. I told her that it wasn’t an issue. I mean, what’s a therapist going to tell me that I don’t already know? Everything’s f-ed. My whole life growing up has had a serious impact on the way I react to things now, but that’s not something I need to pay someone to tell me. There’s just so many damn people. And no one has any respect or consideration for everyone else. Plus I live the majority of my life trying to “treat others how I want to be treated.” A little kindness goes a long way. And I know I can’t change the world, but you never know, maybe I can change one person - just once.

So I’m not even sure how disjointed this entry is. I’ll probably have a good chuckle when I read it over. =)

I was having a quick exchange of messages with JR and he said he felt like an a** after I made comment on my stress. But I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it had anything to do with him. So I made a couple jokes, and played it off well enough. He’ll never know the difference. He doesn’t need to know.

It’s probably time I get ready for bed though. I want to try to get to the office by 11 and get a whole stack of stuff done. It would probably help my stress if I accomplish everything on there and just get it over with.

New days, new months, and new motivations!

rose.
11:28pm

Last updated August 14, 2015