Friday in Your Face

No more sightings of weirdo old man around my apartment complex.

So, it seems that once I had agreed to work more hours for #4, the floodgates opened. I had been able to firmly say that I will work more hours, but that I need more stuff to do. There’s no point me coming in for another 5 or 6 hours a week if I’m twiddling my thumbs the whole time. So, I was given another project to work on, and some ongoing tasks to take over. Finally! I’ve only been asking for more work for the last 4 or 5 times I was in there. Maybe they just figured I was being a pest, and being there only one day a week couldn’t possibly require that much of a workload.

I’ve doubled my anti-anxiety medication, following three panic attacks in this past week. My Australian doctor had recommended that I do so, as the dosage I was on was considered to be an ineffective dose as far as Australian standards. Hopefully it helps, and I am taking into account that I’ve had an eventful month and a half, which is likely to be causing the extra attacks.

M made some marinated pork last night, which he chopped and put in a stir fry with noodles and vegetables. I ate a small bowl, walked Ernie, then went to bed. I can’t sleep again this week, but it’s not jet lag, it’s more like my mind is just ticking over and over and I can’t turn it off. A few times, I even visualized a big “OFF” switch, which stopped it for a few minutes, before it would start up again.

M’s putting thought into getting a new job, which is positive, EXCEPT for his crappy attitude of, “Well, I can do that job, but they’d never hire me because I have no experience”. I repeated the old lines of, “What have you got to lose by applying? You never know. They make these ads up with what their ideal candidate would have, but they always settle. They’re asking for a bachelors degree, but anyone with that degree would be going for a higher position - take a shot at it!” His response is that it’s a waste of his time to apply. eye roll I’ll be supportive to an extent, but not when I’m the only one rowing the boat. Still, negativity aside, I am happy that it’s at the forefront of his mind. It’s definitely time for him to move on from his current job.

I am working on small tasks at home, to try and get on top of the mountains of paper in my office, and the mountains of crap everywhere in the apartment. My first task is to clear my desk. I can’t really use the office at the moment anyway because of the other crap in there, and because of a weird anxiety I have right now about being in there alone. But! If I get the desk cleared, it’s at least one small step. And, it prompted M to start doing something similar with his piles of paper, so that’s something we’ve worked on together for a few minutes here and there.

Oh, one other thing I wanted to note was M’s strange reaction to me working more hours at #4. It affects him because he has to come back out to pick me up on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, instead of just the Thursday run. I know that sucks, but he is adamant that he will pick me up instead of just letting me get the bus (10 minute trip). So, he made a comment about us not needing the money. I said I don’t care - we’re planning to buy a car, and we need money to move back to NY, so even though we’re saving well at the moment, why NOT save even more? He wasn’t being negative about it, it was just not the reaction I expected, particularly when a few months back, he was complaining that I don’t get paid enough by the hour for what I do, I don’t even work full time hours (both are incorrect statements) and that I don’t get insurance through work (neither does he). So, to then be offered more hours, at my highest rate, at a firm that will provide me with excellent health insurance once I can get to at least 20 hours a week, and to have him not be that excited about it, was sort of deflating. I mean, this place even reimburses you for out-of-pocket costs like copays. I would have health insurance for NOTHING, basically. Anyway. I said to him that he’s going to end up with a new job with the same hours as I’ll be working anyway, so it won’t matter within a few months, because he won’t be trekking back and forth to collect me from work.