A few more days in 2015

It’s pouring, and finally cool. I’ve got a ukulele arrangement of Gymnopedie No. 1. playing so that I can go back to learning it soon. I snuck off to Satsumasendai on my own yesterday, and I think I may be able to avoid going there with Sam today. I really don’t feel like driving in this weather. It’s just . . . unpleasant. Well, unpleasant to drive in. I’m rather loving the sound and the smell of it.
I’m sitting in my main living area, a tatami room of six mats, with my glass doors open onto the veranda, screens closed, obviously. Sitting on a floor chair with my legs half folded, just admiring this. It’s not a bad life.
To be perfectly frank, I really don’t remember this weekend at all, which is something of a disturbing thought. I’m fairly certain it happened. I think that on Sunday or Saturday I was supposed to go to Satsumasendai with Sam, but that, for whatever reason, we didn’t. I think one day I played a decent amount of Civ III? I’m fairly certain that happened. Some nice ukulele playing. A tiny bit of cleaning done (I still don’t know how garbage works and this is growing to be a problem).
Returning to this point! I do kind of remember! I know that I went to several bars! Haha! I’ll describe them to you now.
One bar was a little bar/snack place. It had bar seating and tatami seating. I was invited to join some guys on the mats. Very enjoyable. They bought me some food, and I bought everybody a round of whiskey. Well, I thought I was just getting shots, but, as it turns out, I ended up getting whiskey and waters at roughly $5 apiece. For six of us. A bit expensive, but they were moved, and they’d spent money on me, so I felt less guilty. I think that was probably on Saturday? Maybe?
On what may or may not have been Sunday, I went to two bars. The first was what turned out to be some bizarre inaka equivalent of a hostess bar. But, because I have thus far encountered two women in this entire town who are likely over 18 and under 30, the hostesses were . . . not what one would have hoped for. Granted, if I had known it was a hostess place, I’d not have gone. And it may not have been one. It just seemed like that was the most likely explanation for what I saw.
I went in, and I sat down, and I ordered a beer. As it turns out, most of the places I’m finding don’t let you just order a drink. It’s drink AND snacks. Well, I ended up with snacks. So be it, I can handle snacks from time to time. They gave me the youngest, prettiest, hostess to pour my beer for me. She was 38. Of course. And not even that elegant, Japanese, I’m-38-but-still-look-like-I’m-16 38. It was a real, honest to goodness, western 38. And western bartender 38. Home sweet home? Anyway, I sang a bit and had a good time and ducked out before it was too late. I only had planned to stay for one beer, but somebody bought me another one. Singing has its perks.
The next bar was down the road, back towards my house, near to the bar I’d been to before (mentioned above with the guys in it). It was much more of a bar bar. Bikini calendar in the bathroom and everything. Well, that was roughly $30 for my drinks (and naturally snacks). However, it all worked out because a guy liked my singing so much he paid me $10 on two different occasions. Hooray! Starlight, you finally start to pay me back! Still not entirely sure on when these things happened, but they all did. Should have written them down at the time.
On Monday, I did end up doing a few things. Firstly, I got up at six, as had been the plan, and then I worked out. I bought a new workout book that is about exclusively using body weight techniques. The author seems to know what he’s talking about. My goal is to get up at six and to work out. The workout was only supposed to last half an hour. It took me an hour. And I’m on the pre workout phase. Seriously, I’m not even to step 1. And I’ll probably need to repeat this because I can move on to step 1. And it’s a 10 week course for each step. Still, I have to keep telling myself not to get discouraged. It’s going to take a long time. What was it about last year that gave me any kind of patience to hold onto a workout and to accept long term changes coming gradually? Patience has worn thin, I guess. Still, that’s where will power comes into play. Let’s hope I finally get some.
After that, I went to school. Over the weekend I had been supposed to write some essays and translate them into Japanese, one about Tokyo Orientation, one about arriving in Satsuma and meeting all of the bigwigs. Then, upon arrival, we were told to write and to translate our self introductions into Japanese. Well, that took a LOT longer than anticipated. I worked all morning. Sam, graciously, typed up one of my three from my Japanese writing. Oh, yeah. Typing in Japanese. Hate it. The whole thing had its length doubled by the fact that we had to use Kanji. The time to complete, I mean. The paper was probably shortened considerably in terms of overall length of characters when read across. Then, I had to run to the bank at lunch to pull out money (I thought) because I was getting internet (I thought). Well, I got the money. And then I had planned on going to 7-11 for lunch, when I realized that I was actually closer to the Plasse (kind of a department store/grocery store, but not really much of either). I bought two little things of stir fry and gulped them down squatting behind some boxes in the parking lot. I didn’t have time to do anything else! It was also over 90, so I was dripping sweat the whole time. Not my most refreshing lunch. Then, I raced back to school to steal the computer and type before Sam got in. Well, that afternoon he and I both finished our papers, and then found out that, at the end of the month, he and I are going to be going to a three day intensive Japan course. And that Satsuma is paying for it! Hooray! So, we had to fill out paperwork for that and then do a language test to place us in the right level. After that, we found out that, due to the Bon festival, there was no school Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. So, yeah. After school, Hirayama Sensei, our handler, took me to the internet shop, and I should SHOULD be getting intertubes on Friday. One hopes.
After that, I had to race home because at 7 PM, there was a Welcome to Satsuma Party being held by our local English conversation club. It’s apparently been meeting for 20 years and seems to be similar to English Corner in China, except, because this is Japan, it’s members only, more formal, and involves a lot more drinking. I knew that Sam and I were being treated, and I knew that I couldn’t refuse, so I did the next best thing: I brought booze. There isn’t a single place that I’ve seen in town that actually mixes drinks. So, I decided to make the best impressiveness to low effort ratio drink that exists: flaming B-52s. A bit expensive, I admit, but they were a hit. Another lady had brought gin and tonic, and I asked if they’d like to try something new. They said that they would. So, I ran a few doors down to a liquor store I’d scanned earlier and got some soda water and a kind of highly sweetened lime booze (which I’d thought was just sweet lime syrup) and made everybody their first Tom Collins. Well, as close as I could get. They were hits! The B-52s were fun scary foreign things, a Tom Collins? It’s a gin and tonic with sugar! Who could possibly object? At the end, when we were gathered outside, I played a little bit of ukulele, rather drunk I may add, and it was a hit. We may be doing singalongs at conversation club from now on. Hooray! Then, a sweet teacher drove Sam and me home. She’s one of his students, there’s a Wednesday and a Monday class. I’ve got Mondays. Oh, also! Class meets at 3, meaning we actually get out of school early to teach this! Hooray! Less time sitting doing nothing at the BOE!
As the designated bartender for the group, I was awarded the leftover liquor. I invited Sam to my place for a few drinks (we live in the same building). He accepted and made it part way through a Tom Collins. He’d already had a bit to drink and was the drunkest he’d ever been in his life (that is to say, slightly tipsy, Christian college and all that). Well, we’d planned on going ukulele troubadour down to 7-11, but he declined. I, however, insisted that he go with me to at least get him a Pocari Sweat on account of us not being sure how much he’d had to drink and what its likely effect on him would be. After we got him his stuff, and after I’d bought another beer, I sat on a barrier out front of the 7-11 and just played music. One guy dropped by early and stayed for a whole song. I enjoyed it. They’re weren’t as appreciative as the night watchmen in Chengdu, but, what can you do, eh? Then, when I was hot and tired and bored, I came back to the apartment for MORE drinking, and for some nice drunk conversation. The best was with Courtney, naturally. Sadly, she’d been up all night and couldn’t talk much. After that, I chatted it up with some ladies on my B team, and then went to bed.
Tuesday I got up at six, and decided that bed was a better idea. The same thing happened when my 6:03 and my 8 alarms went off. I’m fairly certain I ended up doing some things. I didn’t sleep the whole time. Just what I did, though, escapes my memory. Well, it was time for more exercises, and so I did them. Ugh. Everything hurts. Tuesday was lower body. Not a fun time. At all. Still, not nearly as bad as Monday’s push/pull. Well, I lazed about after that for a while and did remarkably little. After growing tired of this, I called Sam to see if he wanted to go to Satsumasendai like we’d planned on doing. Again. However, he said that he’d worked himself into an awesome relaxation groove and didn’t want to go, but we could go tomorrow. I told him it was supposed to storm tomorrow, but he said we’d risk it. Well, I was bored and, frankly, getting a bit depressed, so I went. First I went to the cell store to see if I could get more data on my phone (I can’t this month, which is the only time I’ll need it). Then I went back home because I’d forgotten my laptop. I’d actually literally dreamed on Monday night of going to a cafe with decent wifi. Sorry, not laptop, my tablet. Anyway, I drove to McDonald’s in Satsumasendai. Around 40 minutes. It was . . . McDonald’s. Yay. Then I decided to look for Mos Burger. That was a big disappointment, but, it worked out well because Mos Burger was in another Plasse, and this one was twice the size of ours. I wanted to find some better Segreta hair stuff, and I wanted some nice bath stuff, and several other things. None of which they had, of course. I mean, there was the Mos Burger, which wasn’t very good (though the fries were amazing). While there, I ended up buying two jimbe (thought one was a yukata. Stupid packaging), a nice little man purse to use as a teacher, a nice new umbrella (good call on account of the rain today), and some more western tea. Also a yukata obi, but that’s less exciting now that I don’t have a yukata. Then, I drove home. It was pretty well dark by the time I got back. Darkness hits early in the mountains.
After that, I attempted to take a bath, and then attempted to sleep. It’s hard enough to sleep on just the matting as it is, more incentive to lose weight, but last night it just wasn’t working. I’m so sore from this program. From the look of things, I’d best just get used to being sore. Oh the joys of never being able to sleep, eh? Hard enough to do so even when everything’s going my way. Rad a little monograph on Assyria and learned . . . nothing. Nothing but how much of a hippie the guy who wrote the last book I read on Mesopotamian history was.
Woke up at 6 and 6:03 today and decided I was having none of it. Then I got up at 8 and actually got up. I’m holding off on my exercises today. It’s back to push/pull upper body and I don’t know that I’m physically capable of doing it. I’m still about as sore as I was on Tuesday. I’ll give it one more day. That’s one of the things about body weight exercises: even when you’re not focusing on those muscles, you’re still working them because everything is attached to everything. I may not even be able to go on a real walk. It’s pouring pretty hard, and there’s only one big indoor place to walk, and I think they’re getting tired of me in the Plasse.
So, here I am, 10:21, and I’m staring out the window still. Soon I’ll call Sam and try to gracefully suggest that, having done the drive yesterday, attempting it in this rain is just not a good idea. Roads are too narrow and turns are too sharp. We’ve barely been driving on the left for a week, and now is not the time for a challenge. That’s life, at the moment. Nothing much to report.

Internally, I’m sure that there are things going on, but we’ll have to see. Anxiety is up, and a lot of various horrible things keep popping into my head. Amber’s been on my mind, but mostly only because whenever I get incredibly anxious and stressed, I tend to fixate on some stuff she told me. Feeds the whole general paranoia. (I believe I just found some mouse poop on the floor, time to buy traps). I keep going through mood swings, and I know that I’m trying to keep active to stave off any kind of weird anxiety attack. Being here is somehow heavier than being in China was. I mean, maybe it was different when I first got to China? But that was a long time ago. I don’t remember. All I can think about is how LONG this time seems like it’s going to be. I’m reminding myself, constantly, that it’ll be moving a lot more quickly once work stars in earnest, and it’ll all seem better when I have friends and a routine. It’s just a bit difficult until then.
Along Courtney’s lines, I’m watching a bit of anime these days. I’m rewatching Ouran High School Host Club. I tried to start another one, but it was last night, and when you’re exhausted and coming back from a depression induced shopping trip, maybe a new emotional show is a bad plan? Hard to say. Well, there’s a lot to think about in Ouran. I like the different characters, and a lot of them make me think about things that I do/say.
Going back to what Courtney said about this thinking and it’s influence on us, I really think I have to agree with Oscar Wilde. Art doesn’t imitate life. Life imitates art. When am I more myself than when I’m another person? When am I better than when I’m somebody new? We find things, beautiful things, wonderful things, things that can never be because they are art, and we strive to be them. We borrow for ourselves the characters of both real people and the fictional. But our relationship with the fictional can, in some horrifying ways, be deeper. They can never let us down. There are no fallen idols. For the most part. What you see is what you get. They exist entirely internally. They are what we need them to be. I think that when we look to flesh and blood for our heroes, perhaps this is a problem. After all, they become just as much of a character as if they were fictional anyway. The difference is that, when our idols are works of art to begin with, we won’t delude ourselves into thinking that they’re real.
I wonder how much of me was created by Gundam Wing, and how much of Gundam Wing I created for myself? Hard to say. What shapes us, and how do we shape it within ourselves? It merits thought. Far more than musing over the traumas of Amber or the annoyances of the local wapanese scene. Need to get some more mental self control. Need more self control in general.

On a purely practical note, I wish I had a real chair. My goodness. Or a decent couch. I had never realized how hard it is to read and to focus in surroundings that were not designed for such things. Or, at least, I’m not used to the design. I’m really looking forward to when this house, and this style of furnishing, starts to feel like home.