8/11 in --

I’m laying on the bed in my bedroom. It’s almost 8pm and the light is fading, but it’s still very bright outside and I’m listening to the cicadas. It’s calming.
It also makes me sad because it reminds me that summer is almost over. I don’t want it to be over. I love summer. I also loved spending everyday with Jacob and the kids. His students start back tomorrow, and I started with students today at my internship. I got very little sleep. I’m exhausted.

Tomorrow I am meeting Cannon’s teacher. I’m very excited. I hope she wasn’t weirded out by how enthusiastic I sounded on the phone when she called, but I am excited for Cannon to start school because I think he will love it. He needs that structure and social interaction with other kids that I have a difficult time providing. He’s been happy as a clam with his trains, coloring, and outside time this summer but I know he’ll like school too.

His birthday is two weeks from tomorrow. I cannot believe my baby boy is going to be three. He brings me such joy and always makes me laugh. He’s very silly.

I am finding that I am dreading the winter. It’s always a darker time… literally and figuratively. I know that I probably get seasonal depression, but I’m really dreading it. I know that I need to do something about it if it happens again this year, but the difficult thing about depression is that it makes me complacent in my discontentment and I have a hard time doing anything about it. Depression is a toxic boyfriend that I am on and off with.

I am bracing myself and I’m hoping that it won’t happen.

I had a good hair day today.

Yes, yes I am rather dull. But that’s okay. Being content is a pretty dull thing from the outside.