Sunday Morning in New Diary

I didn’t want to wake up this morning. I kept waking up and going back to bed. I was up for good at 8. I felt a little down this morning. Depression was rearing its ugly head. I am doing ok now but for a while I was really down. Anxiety level was a bit high but then I told myself to stop it. I reminded myself that things will be ok and I have everything I need and then some. Life is still pretty good.

I forgot to mention that I paid my cable bill on the 6th. It was a whopping $146 and some change. Thank god I had the money. It was high because I did another dumb thing. I upgraded my cable package. When I realized that I couldn’t afford to make the payment I downgraded. But I had to pay thirty something extra even though I was on that package for less than a day. I think depression clouds my judgment a lot of times because I certainly do stupid things once in a while.

Been going over my budget for the month. I have $78.60 left on my debit card. I plan on spending $45 on household items. I plan on taking $20 out for laundry. That will leave me with $13.00 left on my card. I will have enough for meds . I am broke already. But I have everything I need and have food to eat. I am not worried about it .

Also, I was talking with my fiancé, chocolatechip. She was telling me that she is going to give up her computer next month. It is a shame but I can understand. I said I intend to keep mine and she can always use my computer. I said I think if anything I will give up cable tv and just have phone and Internet service. But I think I can just tough it out until April when I will have it paid off. I do pretty good at living on nothing. I think I will be lost without a computer.

I use mine al lot . I like to read the news on the computer. I pay my bills by way of the Internet. I like to keep up with my journal. Then there is Facebook. I keep thinking that one day my family will like to contact me on FB. They are on my friend’s list but we never speak. My daughter was down at Wheeling not too long ago which is not that far from where I live. The fact that she didn’t message me and asked if she could come up for a visit triggered the latest bout of depression. I went down the tubes in a hurry. I have reached out to them all and they never accept chat request or respond to messages. But I keep hoping that one day they will come around At least we will be chatting on Facebook if not actually seeing each other.

I watched a couple of good shows on CNN last night. They are running a series called The Seventies. Last night they were talking about Richard Nixon and Watergate. I came of age in that era and remember the events they were talking about very well. They were showing all of these old anchor men They had Walter Cronkite on as well as Chet Huntley, David Brinkley and others. I remember them all and it brought back a lot of memories. Thought that was a very good show to watch. It comes on Thursdays and Saturdays.

Always remember the many blessing that I have. 1) I am alive. 2) I am in good health. 3) I have a wonderful fiancé. 4) I have a nice apartment 5) I have food to eat. 6) I have clothes to wear 7) I have money for meds 8) I have a new hearing aid. 9 I have phone, internet and cable 10 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways Life is pretty damned good.