Rainy Day / Looking forward to progress in Days of My Destiny

It's a rainy day today.

I always sing that phrase to a specific tune, over and over again, on rainy days.

This morning my man and I were woken early by the youngest in the team of the household, and then couldn't go back to sleep after she did. So of course, we turned to sleepy lovemaking in the rain :) It had been years since the rain happened to coincide with lovemaking. Maybe not YEARS, but it feels like it, lol. He was hungry for me, I could feel it in the way he was holding and kissing me. I've missed him and clearly the feeling was mutual! Love that man.

Yesterday at swimming, M swam for about 3 metres with her face underwater for the first time in her life! I was so, so, SO proud and so was she. The JOY in her face when she's in the water is just priceless, and was even more so yesterday. Her confidence truly has soared in the last month (since starting three lessons a week), and because of it, she has learned so much more. It's just unbelievable. So proud of her and how brave she is.

I'm looking forward to the social worker thing. We have an appointment for Friday the 13th, at 3:30pm, which means I'll have to ask a friend to watch over my girls for a bit. There's one lady I think I can confide in about this.... the social worker did acknowledge that it's an awkward time for us (as M finishes school at 3pm) and offered to shuffle some other clients around in order for us to get in at a time while M is at school. (In which case, I'd only have Little L to worry about, and she'd be easier to shuffle off to somebody - besides, it's always easier when it's only one child, lol). But I sort of figure... well..... I'm sure I can find somebody who can help me out, WITHOUT having to shuffle others around..... so I declined her offer. Well, I told her I'd think about it and get back to her today. Except that she's away today and will be right up until 4 days before the appointment! And I'd feel even worse if she shuffles people around only FOUR DAYS before their appointments rather than with two weeks' notice...... on the other hand, I should just stop thinking about everybody else and just accept that sometimes these things have to happen, besides four days' notice is still four days.... and if the social worker herself offered, then obviously she must know what she's talking about. Anyway the final decision was that I'd try and find someone to babysit our children and if not, then I'll call her 4 days beforehand and let her know that she'll need to shuffle around after all. So I'm thinking I might do that.

I'm looking forward to just PROGRESSING. Moving forward. My ever-so-wise friend, T, told me a quote about a year ago. I can't remember who it's by but it says, "WHY is a question of yesterday - HOW is a question of tomorrow." And I can't agree more. While I feel guilt about the past and acknowledge that it is something that I will work through, I also know that it's the future I want to focus on. I want to learn the strategies, I WANT to show my daughter all the support I can, I WANT her to feel loved, from now on into the future. I want her to feel secure within and without.

She's such a clever, beautiful girl.

Anyway I wanted to write more but it's time to go to the bus stop.