um in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so Pat’s brother just told me what the toxicology report said. i knew it wasn’t just an anuerism from what iknow about them. Pat was sick the last like month. he thought it was just a cold or something. you know the normal run of the mill sick.
i relate to him now. except i didn’t die from alcohol poisoning. so this feels weird and shocking. i’m really lucky i haven’t died from that. but i just wonder ya know. what else besides biologic factors and psychological factors. aside from those. what is it that has certain people leave us sooner than others. This is up for discussion.
god wow um. so Pat did in fact go from drinking. oh wow. um i don’t i don’t know. even when Evan had helped him it still. wasn’t enough. and i think the only one who could help Pat was well Pat. and i wish he had. done that. i don’t know if he did or............i don’t know how long he’d gone w/o a drink. i’ve never asked anyone. and since he’s not here i can’t very well ask him. i could ask Evan since he’s the one who told me how much Pat drank.
i drank heavily for 2 yrs. alcoholism runs in my family. and regardless of why i stopped drinking that much it’s a good thing idid. there were times when. back when i was drinking that much that sobriety scared me.
i. wow i don’t even know right now. i. it just got real it just became real.