not bad in Riverdale

So luckily my periods not as bad as I thought it would be. The weather’s pretty nice so I’m in an OK spot I’m realizing how dependent I was in alcohol right now I don’t really want to drink because I don’t wanted to interact with the medications that I’m on. I don’t really know what I want to do today without dragging myself to want to drink something even when I know drinking will probably not really do much for me anyways. I kinda miss L but I know also with him that I’m not in a good place to deal with his b* and he always just kind of makes me feel bad especially lately and I expect so much for him that he doesn’t want to give me because he likes playing games with me about everything all the time so it’s best to just stay away and I really want to focus on myself because I don’t feel confident in myself and strong and I know that I have to make a move and that’s going to take up a lot of energy I know what I need to do I just wish there was a better way to kind of figure it all out I made an appointment with a woman named Rosa from the barbershop Barbara Slifer Clinic she called me because my father was still open I don’t know how much is really going to help me they didn’t help me before and it doesn’t seem like she knows any more than I do about anything I made an appointment I guess cuz of honorable right now and I don’t really have much more support with this housing help and I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself and that is one thing that I really wish I had right now is the confidence in the strength in the courage and the resilience too kind of move forward with making these plans and feeling optimistic and positive and determined but I’m just hitting so many roadblocks and pessimistic people or people that really don’t want to try for me for whatever reason they don’t know me whatever but they also learn very optimistic about my situation in helping me find the options with me and support me emotionally not even really my therapist she kind of my therapist sometimes pushes me to do something more than I really can and give me suggestions that I really don’t like in and maybe I should say something but I don’t know I just feel that it is what it is I guess I appreciate the help she does give me but I wish that maybe she could be more assertive or opinionated about things and I don’t know maybe you know just a little bit more on my way violence in some aspects I feel she’s not and it makes it hard for me because I really have to fight for her to support me specifically in the ways that I need her to I really need to move I really want to I just wish I felt good about an option like I really want to do it I don’t feel bad about it deep in my heart I know its what I need to do but until I feel more support around me and options that I can feel good about it’s really hard to feel good about moving it and feel strong in my decision when no one around me validates this for me and I feel like I’m faltering and I’m in confidence and I’m not very strong in finding a place I’ve never done this before I’ve never moved out of subsidized housing. Seems to be my only option at this point I don’t see any other options for me.unfortunately no one really gives a fuck it seems to help me figure this out.