Intimacy Issues in Boredoms
- July 30, 2015, 4:11 a.m.
- |
- Public
So, Allison and I have been seeing each other for over 3 weeks now. We hit the ground running, already at 3rd base from the beginning. Now there’s something off with me, though, and I don’t really understand what. It’s not the male-standard issue of impotence…it’s not really a physical thing at all…I just don’t think I want to be sexual. I’ve run a bunch of different theories in my head and my most promising one is that I feel guilty letting her do anything to me. I’ve tried to dissuade her from it but she seems to have an honest desire to reciprocate so that’s not sticking well. Another theory is that my already weak sex drive has finally just died out but I don’t think that’s a thing. My third theory is that I’m just not sexually attracted to her. I mean, I think she’s wonderful and beautiful and she’s a great person. I love spending time with her, I like kissing and cuddling but the sex thing is just throwing me off.
What the fuck is my deal? Seriously.
Deleted user ⋅ July 30, 2015
This is hard thing to give advice on because everyone is so different with the sex drives and levels of attraction. There's what we think we want, and then when we're presented with that moment in the real and live physical world, sometimes it's harder to cross over from fantasy into reality. I've dated a few people who I thought I might be into, but then it just turned out that I wasn't all that attracted to them... but really, for me personally, attraction hits me harder emotionally and in that bonding type of way that isn't physical... It's like, conversations and stuff. It's all very mental and emotional. And I mean with real, live people, not celebs and anime and stuff like that. I guess it's kind of hard to explain.
I don't think you should push yourself to feel something that you don't feel. That isn't to say that you won't ever feel that way, but if you don't feel it, like super charged up sexually, you shouldn't have to shame yourself into pretending or forcing it.
If you're not in the mood, that's really all you have to say. And if she questions it or gets weird about it, that's her problem and something that she should learn to deal with. I know how easier said than done that all is, but it's the truth, you know? It's hard when you're IN the situation, to see that all clearly and as the truth, so I wouldn't judge you AT ALL if you were questioning whether or not you could be that straight up honest with her.
ICanDoASumbersault Deleted user ⋅ July 30, 2015
Yeah, I think I'll just ask her if we can just give it time and also include a request that she not ask me periodically how I'm feeling about it (the fact that she asks regularly is very pressuring). We'll see about it. :-/
Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ August 03, 2015
I don't want to seem negative or just say things you don't want to hear... but yes, I do wonder if you have a point when you ask yourself whether you may not be sexually attracted to her... of course it's completely possible that you're just overwhelmed or nervous, or that outside factors influence your desire (being depressed or on certain medications can really affect your sex drive)... but enjoying kissing and cuddling seems to me more like enjoying that simple comfort of human closeness... which is lovely but not really sexual...
I hope she gives you some time and lets you figure it out, anyway... good luck! :)