Depression in New Diary

It has been a while since I wrote anything. I feel like shit. been very depressed and last Saturday seemed to be the worst I felt in a long time. |I called the emergency on call number. They were not much helped. The asked if I had any suicidal thoughts or want to hurt myself. I said no. I said I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I felt like a complete failure as a person. Lady talked with asked how long |I have been on my current medication. I said for a long time. She seemed to think that I need a change in meds. She also asked what I have been doing to help myself. I said nothing much. I’v been letting myself go down the tubes. I haven’t been showering or taking care of my apartment. I also said I haven’t left my apartment for some time. She strongly urged me to take a shower. Then she said she would make a note of our conversation and report it to my therapist and case manager. She seemed to suggest that I would be getting in to see the doctor and perhaps he would make some major changes in my meds.

Well I made it to Healthways Monday morning. I saw my new therapist Joyce for the first time. I also saw this one guy who was supposed to be a psychologist. I didn’t get to see the doctor. Joyce and \I talked for a while. Went through the same old song and dance. I remember her saying that I need to refute negative thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings. She reminded me about all the positive things that are going on in my life. I am mindful of the fact that I am very fortunate and have a lot of things to b e thankful for . I have a list of positive thoughts that |I say to myself on a daily basis. But that doesn’t seem to help with the depression.

Life sucks Life sucks big time sometimes and there is no getting around to it.