news to me in 2015

6:36pm

Well. I guess there was bound to be an update like this eventually.
Yes, I’m in a mopey sorta mood. Just let me roll with it, please?

We babysat the kids today. That’s not the mopey part! They are cool. A lot more attitude now that they’re older but it’s cool to see them again. This is their first trip back since they moved. Got here late last Friday. We saw them a bit on Tuesday but were already on our way out to the doctor.

Then today Mom was outside watering the lawn and stuff. I’d gone out there after I took a shower. But I saw Jeremy talking to her and hung back for a minute or two. When I went back out there she was talking to the little neighbor boy next door [dressed as batman haha] and J/the kids were heading out. They started yelling “hi” but he told them they’d be by later. Except it turns out that he didn’t have the keys and no car seats, so they got out and ran over. They hung around smelling flowers, asking questions, telling us about their new home in Montana, etc.

B had a very serious talk with me about how we are his friends and he’s very happy to see us. That he likes spending time with us and it’s hard because he’s two states away. It takes so long to get to us but we’re still going to be friends. =) Love that kid!

So they hung around here for a while waiting for Melissa. Once she got home I thought they’d run over but she ended up coming over here. J left a little after to take care of the horses and she came to hang out in the courtyard. Babysitting wasn’t supposed to start for a while but they never really left after that. haha.

It was fun. We went to the park. Played with the ball. Mom went to the dollar store and came back with kites. Good times. Expect we lost one of the games over the fence because the boys aren’t the best listeners. I made B walk with me to ask the neighbor to go in the backyard. He had a fit but eventually calmed down and said he needed one of us to go with him. I said that I had planned on going the whole time. Crazy kid. All kinds of attitude on that one. At one point I had to tell him it was ok to be frustrated because he couldn’t get the kite to fly. He’s not good at patience. But he tried a couple more times after that so I guess that’s a win.

Anyway. Before M left to get ready, she was sitting in the courtyard and Mom had gone inside. I asked about the wedding she was going to. I was curious who it was, or whatever. And she ended up telling me some name I didn’t recognize. Then she tells me that she used to date CK. .... uh…
[how do I react? hurry quick. what do I say to make this not a big deal..ahh too many thoughts in my head…]
I think I played it off really well. She didn’t seem to react in any way other than normal. But then she tells me that that was how she’d met this girl. Because she’d moved in with him at the ranch house! And that’s where M met her and became really good friends with her.

Who the heck is this girl?! Why are all these insane thoughts running through my head all of a sudden and how do I change the subject before she reads something in my eyes? ha.

She ended up just saying something about how “it didn’t work out” and that now the girl was getting married. Then she went and started telling me about CK being in Alaska. She told me how he sends postcards and writes to the boys all the time! They write back and get to talk to him every few weeks.

Wait. I’m sorry? Is this the same guy who I’ve sent text messages to and heard zero response from?! Oh, it is? That’s nice. =|

Fast forward a few hours and we’ve done all that stuff with the boys. I was fine at the park but once I got back home and sat silently on the couch, of course all the thoughts started flooding my head again. Like who was this girl? Why has he never mentioned living with someone? Gosh, when we met he was like 22. Who lives with a significant other at that age?!?

I’m projecting, I know. It’s just so weird for me to even consider that he was so serious with someone. He’s never even hinted at anything like that. No one has! Why has no one said anything about any of this to me? That sucks.

When they got back to pick up the boys, M and my mom went to the kitchen to try some strawberry cheesecake [she’s a big dessert fan] and I was sitting across from J in the living room. Out of nowhere he asked if I’d heard anything from CK lately.
1) I guess that means he knows we talk? No one ever brings that up either. 2) Why is everyone bringing him up today!

I say “no” and he goes on to tell me that he got a text message from him the day he left, like Tuesday. That they trade texts pretty often but the time difference is weird and sometimes he doesn’t see the messages for a day or two. Also that they trade calls quite often. CK said he’d call him later in that text but he hadn’t heard anything from him since then, so he was wondering if anyone around here knew anything.

I told him that I did get a picture of Alaska when he first got there but that I hadn’t really heard anything else. I was going to flat out say that I hadn’t heard anything at all, but my brain quickly tried to cover it up and act like it was no big deal.

He didn’t really react much. Seemed just slightly surprised though. Like maybe we talked more than that. hah!

sigh

I don’t even know what to do with all this information. Now it just means that he’s actively ignoring me. It has nothing to do with him not having service. With the charges being incredibly inconvenient out in Alaska. It’s just him not answering me. Which sucks. And obviously hurts my feelings. =(

Sometimes I wonder why I’m so stupid about these things? How did I possibly let all these ridiculous thoughts in my head start to actually make sense. They don’t make sense! They’re fantasies. They’re reactions from a brain that has watched way too many movies and believed in way too many fairy tales.

I feel so stupid now.

Not really sure how to fix this. Or move on.

rose.

Last updated July 13, 2015