jade helm in poetry

I really enjoy that most of the people
who think the government’s about to invade
live in rural hellscapes no one would want to claim.

Nobody wants Amarillo Texas.
Not even Amarillo Texas wants Amarillo Texas.
I spent a month in Amarillo Texas one night and
all I can tell you is the night clerk at the Red Roof Inn
almost begged to take him with us to L.A.
he didn’t exactly say it in words
but you could see it in his eyes
there’s huge sweeps of this nation
no one sane would take if you paid them
because it’s where the tin hat survivalists live
who think everyone is gonna take their fallow land.
The only reason we haven’t given away
all of Texas except Austin and maybe Houston
to the higher bidder is to make a few old man happy.

Nobody wants the parts of Michigan
that the Michigan Milita thought they were protecting.
Nobody wanted the tundra they thought they were guarding
from the multi-ethnic cosmopolitian humanity of Detroit.
Buncha crackers cleaning their assault rifles
sticking berries up their noses on abandoned lots.
Thinking they’re defending places that are so fly-over
we won’t even fly over them anymore.
Everyone’s moving to the cities and the coasts
were people actually have rights and jobs and stuff.
The delusion so thick you could cut it
with an army-navy surplus bayonette
buried in a fifty gallon oil barrel
along with five months worth of MREs and
a bunch of silver ingots with Ron Paul’s face
stamped on the obverse.
No one wants your dirt farm, brother.
The government isn’t coming to take it.

The only Jade Helm coming to invade Texas
is a hat with plus-three defense
in a game of Dungeons and Dragons
being played in a U.T. dorm room right now.
It’s strong against orcs and fire and
people who think the government’s about to invade
live in rural hellscapes no one would want to claim.