Ebb and Flow in In The Eye of Every Storm
- July 8, 2015, 5:20 a.m.
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- Public
From time to time I’ll just get depressed for no reason at all. It’ll just happen suddenly with no real trigger and I’ll be in a funk for about a week. It’s cyclical in that it happens every 4-6 weeks. I discovered the pattern 2 semesters ago because I’d sit in front of my PC trying to do homework and I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything....paralized with this aweful feeling that came from nowhere. Anyway, I could look at my grade history and I’d see all these A’s and then and handfull of zeros and very low grades. Like clockwork, every 4-6 weeks.
I took this news to my most recent visit with my neurologist. He seemed to think it was more mood related than a true mental heath issue. He gave me a perscription for a low dose of Ritalin to take as needed when I got into my moods.
I took my first one when I didn’t necessarily need it. It was during finals this last semester and I was trying to wrap up my Chemistry work. I popped one and I was on FIRE. I had laser focus, the energy of 10 cups of coffee without the jitters, and dry mouth like a motherf*cker!
I’ve taken it on 3 other occasions for what it was actually given to me for. The problem is that I’m stubborn though. I’ll be in a shitty mood and I just think that I can get through it…overcome it on my own....and I can’t. Yet I lie to myself each time. Then I take it and I feel normal.
Tonight, for no reason at all, I’m sitting at break and I can feel it comming over me again. No reason at all. So, I’m going to go home and pop one of those bad boys when I wake up and see how it goes.
You gotta learn sometime right?
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