Who knows in New Immigrant

whether I’ll be disciplined enough to stay this time. I do know when Jamez notified me on Facebook that he had posted sad news here, I rushed back. Like other of his friends I have been mourning with him for what his family is enduring. He reminded me that my OD/PB family is
deeply etched in my heart.

I am glad for being in touch with many of you on FB, although I realize
it is not at all the same.

Have had some adjusting to do. In December I thought I would never
be part of my great-nieces lives and here I am communicating with their
Mother and Grandmother. That is a monumental happiness.

Their Dad, our bi-polar nephew, remains out of control. Not that he hasn’t tried, but he cannot keep himself on his medication. We fear
for his life. Because he’s unable to care for himself and eat regularly
he’s skin and bones. His Dad insists on talking to him or seeing him
every day. Sometimes Dave shouts, other times he’s calms. His parents
are understanding and generous, as they’ve always been.

Because Dave’s wife has become fearful of having Dave with the girls,
she is going to divorce him. Even so she continues to help him. Soon
she will move into an apartment, giving him their house.

Although David cannot manage to feed himself or take his medication,
this ghastly mental health system of ours says he’s too ill to make the
decision to allow his wife access to his medical records BUT too well
for her to commit him for a longer hospitalization. It makes me want
to tear my hair out, what ours and millions of families go through because
of this cruel, inhumane system. How will his daughters feel when he dies and nothing their Mother tried to do for him helped. And she has tried and tried and tried, brought him food, trusted him, bailed him out, raced to the ER to see him, sought out better doctors and nothing has worked. We all support her leaving him. Lila (four years old) was having lots of problems because of the stressful environment.

I have to admit it’s been a bit of a rocky road adjusting to being so near to that “other shore”!! I’ll be extremely fortunate to be alive in five, ten, fifteen or twenty years! My gosh. The end! Tom is taking it much worse and that has affected me.

Jack, the dog, is a force in my life. His happiness when I arrive, his
pulling enthusiastically on his leash, keep me walking. I would never
manage it without him. There is always some pain gnawing at me.
I never Want to walk, but I cannot let him remain on his 4 foot chain.

For years I have driven country roads. Do you do that? But walking those country roads has been an entirely new life journey. Jack pulled
me along as I heard the first birds of spring, then time gave us lilac
perfumed places. The other day they mowed the roadsides which expanded Jack’s sniffing range and made him happy but I lamented the
destruction of pink clover and milkweed. Picking up their blossoms I held each to my nose and inhaled as if with insatiable thirst. My goodness! I heard nothing, saw nothing as the sweet fragrances consumed me. I had my own little “Country Road” high!!

Life! It has not lost its passion. I find its gifts more poignant, more appreciated. Remember our dear friend John (86) who has late stage prostate cancer? After a year of feeling weak and unwell, his medications have miraculously become effective. Recently he spouted enthusiastically, “I’m feeling Great!” Then shared that he was taking a writing course and his son said he “passed” with his first paragraph. AND, he said he’s teaching himself the harmonica again.We didn’t know he’d played it when he was young. He and his son play together. AND, there was one more thing! “I’m oil painting! again!” He’s taking the course from the man who paints on public TV!!” Sweet, magical LIFE!

I have not forgotten you. Carpe Diem and have FUN!