Vacacaca Part 2 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

July 2: Wedding Anniversary Day

Woke up around 7 am to Niece running around the cabin. Rolled over to go back to sleep. Woke up at 9-ish. Kid was still running around and wanted to watch Doozers. G’bump and BoomPa were gone. Wife and I embarked on our trek to the Parasailing Dock. When we arrived G’bump was there… Bro and SIL had told her that they were putting Niece down for a nap. Yeaaaah… I call bullshit on that, but whatever.

Parasailing was fun. Cousins that went were great. Of course… Wife did her typical tech thing- taking pictures of everybody. When it was our turn to go up… yay we’re flying… what is Wife doing? She is struggling with her camera and getting pissy because it isn’t working right. Really?! Dammit, woman… we are literally parachuting above the lake and you’re getting angry at technology? Up here? Luckily, pointing it out made her chill a bit and she enjoyed it but… yeah. Then… we went back to the cabin. Where bro, sil, and G’bump were at the picnic table. And didn’t want us going into the cabin because Niece was asleep. Whateves. We were going to hang with the cousins and eat burgers. Cousins texted us that they were at the restaurant and suddenly, Wife is freaking out again. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to go grab food or not anymore because if the cousins are already AT the restaurant then they’ll get their food faster, etc. Honestly… she is such a slave to her emotions and so easily frozen by any need to do or make decisions. She freaked out, started to cry, and said that she feels like we’re just “tagging along.”

Long story short; with my Mom’s help, we convinced Wife to go to lunch. After all, I said, when we do things with others… sometimes we are just tagging along. Lunch was… the restaurant had STUPID slow service. We got there around noon, and got our food around 2. Yeah. Awful. But… Wife enjoyed herself. Which… says a lot. She has these ridiculous emotional outbursts that consume her… but the RARE times she can get past them or is forced to? She winds up enjoying herself. After lunch, we came back to the cabin and SIL wanted to go shopping with Wife, G’bump, and I. I watched Niece while they shopped and everybody had a decent time. It is just… these weird emotional bullshit things between Wife, and SIL and Bro. But… of course… that all makes sense. I marry a woman that is similar to my brother and SIL… the people closest to my age.

Then we all came back and relaxed a bit before Dinner. That relaxation somehow turned into a crash and we all slept for a bit. When we woke up, it was dinner time… but Wife’s stomach wasn’t feeling super. As she went back to the cabin briefly to try to feel better… I overheard SIL tell G’bump that she has intentionally “been in hiding” because she thinks the reunion has “too many people” to expose Niece to. Bull. And Shit. Including Niece, Bro, SIL, G’bump, BoomPa, me and Wife… there are 21 people here. In other words… 1/3 of the “too many people” are in the same friggin cabin with her. And the other 2/3? They are family. We’ve always been a “takes a village” family, too. Apparently, SIL feels like she can’t rely on that (?)

After dinner… an epic game of Family Volleyball! We’re all competitive but we were able to keep it fun and light. We played 5 games to 25 points. My team won 3 times. Yeah-Yeah! Wife was on the opposing team and played like an animal, it was great. And she was loved and accepted and encouraged. Hopefully, she understands, appreciates… gets it. Then a MUCH needed shower. But of course it isn’t that simple. It is 9:30 at night. I walk back to the cabin and am told Niece was just put down for the night. And she isn’t getting to sleep quickly. Well, no shit! What do you expect with that many “naps” (or veiled excuses not to interact with other people). I ask if it is okay to take a shower… and am told by G’bump that it might be okay but only if I think I can take a quiet shower. A quiet shower? Shit, woman. I will turn on the water, put soap on my body, and towel off. Like a human. If that isn’t quiet enough… maybe a two year old shouldn’t just be going to bed at 9:30 at night… or shouldn’t have so many “naps” throughout the day that she refuses to go to bed at bedtime. Anyway… I took my shower. When I got out, SIL was lying on top of Bro who (as always) had been invited to come out and hang with the cousins. They both very quickly declined. Whatever. Wife and I went and played Cards Against Humanity again and seriously… laughed until we felt like throwing up!! It was FUN and FUNNY and AWESOME. And guess what! No, I’m not the one coming up with all the great jokes. Nor is my wife. But that shouldn’t make either of us feel inferior. I just… I desperately hope Wife gets it. If not now, then at some point. No… we aren’t The Best Family Members in an Awesome Family. We’re not the smartest, we’re not the best educated, we’re not the wealthiest, we’re not funniest, we’re not the most affectionate, we’re not the most loving, we’re not the most fun.......... we don’t have to be! All we have to be is US and enjoy our time with the family. I just… I don’t get how other people’s greatness can make her so constantly focus on her own weaknesses. I mean, I do understand a little. I was like that when I was growing up. But… as an adult? Just be happy to be part of a great family and be the best You that you are able to be!

Hopefully, tomorrow is amazing. We are having a Restaurant meal and my grandfather (only living grandparent) will be here as will my direct cousins and uncle and aunt. So far this trip has all been my family and my Late Great Uncle’s family. Tomorrow, my grandfather and his youngest (and his youngest’s family) arrive. They couldn’t be here any earlier because they had something important to do in New York.

Now, usually, I don’t post pictures so publicly. But… here are some Parasailing and Volleyball photos!

BTW- July 3rd, 2015 marks 10 years since Wife and I started dating.

My body was back to its old tricks. Apparently, the physical activity of the previous day was too much for my body to handle and the sore muscles and usual pain combined to make sleep very difficult. Finally kicked off around 4 am. Woke up at 9 by Niece, SIL, Bro, G’bump and BoomPa dancing right in front of our door. Of course after all that dancing… “time for a nap.” I’m getting sick of hearing that term, lol.

And of course, since yesterday was a good day… today has to be a bad day! Since I couldn’t sleep last night; I slept in a little today. I couldn’t sleep because I have Fibromyalgia and I was very active yesterday. However… leave it to my Bro and SIL (with help from Mom) to explain that my pain and restlessness is actually caused by dehydration or being out of shape or drinking too much soda or (get this) drinking too much Gatorade. Because… a chronic pain condition that interferes with sleep is certainly a fiction if it can’t be directly tested for. BAH! Then… it gets worse.

Wife puts on a very nice outfit. Simple but attractive as it includes wedge heels, flowing black pants, a tank, and a loose overshirt. I compliment it by saying it is fashionable and looks good on her. I get the eyeroll and death stare. Then we go for a walk to try to figure out what to do today. She instantly starts in with the “I don’t knows.” So, I try to head her off at the pass and tell her about the Amusement Park within walking distance that my family used to go to every time we were here. She shuts that down vehemently as she says she can’t understand $27 per person for an amusement park smaller than Adventureland. Nevermind the fact that Adventureland Park is $40 per person. So… fine. She doesn’t want to go to an Amusement Park because she can’t stomach the price. How about Paddle Boats? She’s been saying she wants to ride those all week. So… how about Paddle Boats? That brings on about 20 minutes of complaining that she doesn’t want to have to be in a swimsuit all week and how wearing a swimsuit and shorts is so irritating to her because the self-waxing she did before the trip didn’t go as planned and (no offense but) blah blah blah friggin blah about all the reasons wearing a swimsuit on a Lake Vacation is irritating. So… I steered our walk over to my parents. Because… I get that they want to spend all the time with Bro and SIL and Niece but… frankly… I need help with my own little girl with issues. I got them to at least convince her to get her swim suit on. That’s a start.

So we got our paddle boating on with Wife, Mom, and I… then my cousins came… my actual cousins. It was great fun but of course sends Wife into her quiet, pouty, non-participatory mood. Because… my SIL runs Triathalons… and is now in a one piece. And my cousin’s g/f almost-wife is a semi-thick but still attractive Filipino in a bikini. And on the docks are teenagers in Bikinis. So despite the plethora of old fat men and grandmother women… my wife refuses to get into the water because she would then have to take her shorts off and “expose to the world what she looks like in a one-piece.” I know I’ve said it to her before in anger, I know it doesn’t work and just escalates things but.... on a near constant basis I want to scream at her:
GIF NOT LOADING

I can tell you quite plainly that this is why she doesn’t have any friends. Because there is no positive that is not immediately a negative on herself.

So, after I played in the water with my family… Wife was getting hungry and we left. She was clearly still very pouty and quiet and… you could SEE the cloud over her head. I asked and she started complaining that she wasn’t having fun and that Tom’s side of the family doesn’t mingle with Kent’s side of the family enough and then… she stopped, and just said in an exasperated voice: “I’ve already told you why I feel the way I do. It’s just that. It is always that.” So I took a quick shower, she packed (we leave on Sunday), and we discussed a quick lunch. BoomPa (apparently) is very displeased that “some people” aren’t cleaning up after themselves in the kitchen.... something he said specifically to me.... which is odd because I haven’t used the kitchen. I maybe use A plate that is handed to me… and that is once a day at best. Otherwise… I eat with the family at the large setting. Maybe the people who practically never leave the cabin (Bro and SIL) are using dishes and not taking care of them. But, I get it… at least at present (largely in my own mind) I’m the shiftless unemployed son that has been given $50k of Family Money to help pay for law school so I have to be better and it is my wife who seems to be Queen Debbie Downer Self-Focused.... fine. But… watch this… we won’t eat in this cabin at all today. When we come back? Will there be dishes? I’ll let you know. And I will be able to say loudly that we won’t have contributed to the dishes at all.

We walked all over the tiny city before I got tired and had us head back to our cabin. As we turned to re-enter the resort area… we found the store we were looking for! Silly/Stupid Google Maps. After that, we hit a Family Boat trip… family, in this case, meaning everyone but G’bump, BoomPa, Bro, SIL, and Niece. It was nice. I didn’t get much chance to talk to the family but I caught up with one of my more direct cousins and that was nice. Then it was back to the cabin to get ready for dinner. But… and you guessed it… when we got back to the cabin: QUIET! Baby is sleeping! Again? Or still? Because it is 5:00 at night. If you are going to put her down for Night-Time Sleepy at 8 pm (her bedtime) you can’t possibly expect her to go down quickly!! But… whatever… I keep my mouth shut. The wife and I spend the next hour just quietly in the cabin making sure not to make a sound more “intense” than the clickity-clack of keyboard keys. Dinner at an actual restaurant tonight, so nobody has KP duty. However, that still annoys SIL because, as she said, “I don’t want to go.” Apparently, Bro and SIL want to stay in the cabin… forever and always.... not venturing out to do anything… because they are so constantly exhausted from taking care of Niece. I keep thinking… with (now) almost 30 family members here that can and will help… what the hell is wrong with you two?

Dinner was nice, if a bit expensive. Got to catch up with my Twin Cousin and some other family. Ate a lot. Then we all came back to the cabins and gathered for a nice big walk. What we didn’t realize at the time was that the path we were walking led to the City’s Giant Huge-mongous 4th of July Celebration. The little square was packed to overflowing. Morris (37 year old police officer, married to a 2nd cousin) was growing more and more infuriated as we walked. As he put it “I have never seen this many half-naked 12 year old girls drinking beer. Thank god I’m from out of state, but what the hell?!” Tom (21 year old college student, 2nd cousin) said “I haven’t seen this many trashy looking drunk chicks since High School Prom!” Meanwhile… my mind is just internalizing. Because… as horrid as it is, as horrid as it sounds… a sexually deprived, affection-starved, sexually virile 31 year old looks around and sees old opportunities missed. Sick? Probably. But.... still… it reminded me of all the young tail I never went after. LoL.

After that we all convened on a deck and drank and told stories. MOSTLY fun. But there were a few significant events that NEED to be discussed. For instance… a drunk guy came over to the deck because we had our lights on. He couldn’t find his group of friends and wanted to use his cell phone by the lights we had on. Okay, fine. Morris was very hostile because of his cop training. Fine. I understand. I am a licensed attorney and I work in corrections, I understand. HERE’S WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND… my brother, who was in the military but for the last 12 years has been a professional artist and is now a father… my brother decided to “be a man” and chase this drunk guy off. As he chased after this drunk, harmless guy… I told SIL that… this was not self-defense nor was it protected under Iowa law. If Bro engaged in a physical fight with drunk guy, he would be arrested and charged with assault. She said that she didn’t care, it was who her husband was and bravo. When Bro came back, I gave him the same information. He said (in a ridiculously condescending and imperious tone) “There’s the right thing to do and the legal thing to do. They aren’t usually the same. And I always do the right thing. Every time.” Jackass!! How is it the right thing to be charged, convicted and incarcerated while your daughter grows up without knowing you… all because you thought “the right thing to do” was to get into a fight with a drunk 23 year old? Again: Jackass! Then I find out… he (brother) brought a handgun. TO A FAMILY REUNION! Yes, he has a concealed carry permit but for fuck’s sake. WHY do you bring a handgun to a fucking family reunion?! For GOD’s SAKE! Fast forward a bit.... my 2nd cousin Sasha is a practicing attorney and was making jokes about how ridiculous it was that her father, a neurosurgeon, would try to tell her how to do her job. Even though he has no education for trial or the law. And everyone laughs about a doctor trying to tell a practicing attorney how to do her job. Except me. And except my brother. Because even though he is a professional artist.... he CONSTANTLY tries to tell me why being a lawyer is shitty, why I don’t know dick, and why the law isn’t right or wrong. Honestly… I went to bed fucking pissed about Brother and SIL.... My wife, who they don’t give a shit about, feels like a lesser being around them.. and they try to tell me what to do because they think they are better… and.... gah. I mean… I’ve always had significant issues with my brother and SIL… I just.... My wife feels awful all of the time. I constantly feel like I don’t measure up. Meanwhile, my own mother and father are obsessed with their granddaughter so bro and SIL shit gold bricks and they continue to be themselves which further makes my wife and I feel like second class citizens to our OWN family. Which is why, despite Wife’s objections, I keep telling her we need to spend more time with Cousins and 2nd Cousins… because my family is genuinely amazing and awesome but my direct blood kin… namely Bro and SIL… tend to suck gigantic donkey balls. But again… they are family. So I love them, support them, and will always be indebted to them. But still? They can suck hardcore.

Picture of me, wife, and table for dinner:

FULL DISCLOSURE

As I’ve written this and reflected on it… there IS something that comes to mind that I feel should be shared. When I was 18 and we did our first Okoboji Family Reunion… I felt in many ways as Wife feels. Here were all these beautiful and successful people and I didn’t feel like I belonged. I read a lot, I slept more, and I only really interacted with them all after dinner. But… the more I interacted with them, the better it was. So this reunion I was determined to get in as much quality time as possible because… these people ARE beautiful and ARE successful and ARE smart… that isn’t something to focus on to feel excluded… that is something to celebrate because WE’RE FAMILY and we love each other and (almost most of the time) we get along. It should be a JOYFUL thing to be a part of such a family… not something to bring you down! But even further upon reflection… if I weren’t married at this reunion… how would I feel? If Wife weren’t with me? I would be in a darker place. Because Wife and I are together for good reason. We see the world similarly. We both see the beauty and the good and the wonderful and are both heartbroken and pissed that such wonder is often discarded in our society. BUT WHAT IS MORE… if I were here and single? I would see all the beautiful women and feel angry, depressed, borderline furious. Because that is how I always felt around beautiful women before I met my wife. Instant pre-talk rejection and a feeling that those women would never give me a moment of their time or look upon me with even a modicum of respect let alone adoration, admiration, or attraction. So… while Wife’s behavior and perspective are annoying and part of a much larger issue that may yet lead us to divorce… it is at least something I can somewhat understand.