The game changed. in Since OD is shutting down....

Ok so basically I’m unable to go back to that store because of what happened on Monday so I finally talked to the boss yesterday and she offered for me to come to our other location, no bullshit and the schedule that I want but if there’s one more issue, I’m basically done. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been there almost 2 years, have always been on time, have done how much without getting paid for it and that I still only make $7.25 an hour, if there’s one more issue then I’m done.

I ended up going last night. I was scheduled til 10, didn’t get to leave until 10:30 AND had to take people home!!! They tried to fit bikes in my backseat which didn’t work out and left a bunch of black marks on my seat! Um, yeah I’m beyond pissed! I only made $43 and spent most of my shift trying to figure out what to do. This is not what I want and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to stick it out.

All I know is I’ve been over this job for a couple of months now but just decided that I’d finish out my summer and get adjusted to the idea of something else because of my social anxiety. I think I’ve spent a lot of time convincing myself that I was alright there simply because starting a new job is such a stressful situation for me because of my social anxiety. I honestly fucking hate people and struggle to get used to a new place and new people.

I honestly don’t know what’s worse. Staying at a place where I don’t make enough to survive that has made me so miserable and has knocked me down emotionally and physically or getting into something else where I won’t know what I’m doing and have to meet all new people. I wanted to stay at this job but it’s become even harder now because I’m not where I want to be and because I don’t feel like I have any control at all.

I don’t know what’s happening to my life but I have to regain control of it. I just can’t keep living like this. I’ve been so stressed even wondering if I’d have a job that I’ve been smoking like a chimney and eating all the wrong things again. I just can’t do this anymore. I know I’m not happy now but maybe with a different job there’s at least a chance where I wouldn’t feel so helpless, angry and vulnerable. It’s so crazy how much your job can take out of you.

The bright spot of this whole thing is I have an interview at 2 for front desk at a motel. It’s definitely something I’m willing to check out. I’m going to take a nap, shower and then go. I just have to at least see what it pays and what my hours would be. It’s right next to where I used to work but it’s a place with an incredible pool and has air conditioning! I’m hoping I get it and can start feeling in control again.

I am pretty sure I’m going to call in today and say there’s something wrong with my car because I’m tired as shit from not being able to sleep last night and I just need more time to decide what I want to do and maybe apply at some other places. I’m just sick of feeling like this disposable robot that could lose my job if anything else comes up. If I get the new job and start next week, I’m just going to tell them I need a week off for whatever reason. I owe it to myself to at least give a new job a shot.

It would be awesome to be at a job where if you are scheduled off at a certain time, you actually get to leave at that time. I’ve just put up with this shit for so long because of wanting a better paycheck and because I don’t have any reason to rush home but it’s been taken advantage of way too fucking much. I just don’t want to put up with it anymore.

Anyways, I’m going to take a nap and then figure out the rest of my day.