Yeah. in Since OD is shutting down....

So today, I never did hear from my GM so once it approached 4 pm with no phone call from him, I finally called him about 5. He asked if I was cussing her out because that’s what everyone told him and the only time I swore at her was when I called her stupid bitch. He said that I needed to take another night off and he would talk to the big boss tomorrow morning and let me know. Judging from today, I doubt I’ll hear from him until I bite the bullet and give him a call but I honestly believe I’m probably fired. The chance of me getting to come back is slim to none and that’s just fine.

I’ve applied at a shit load of places online and then this evening, I applied for front desk at a motel and at a casino. I’m just going to keep looking for something because even if I get my job back, I can’t stay there. I can’t keep worrying about that bitch, deal with the 100 degree heat, get paid shit, put up with other people not doing anything and know I’m never going to get a raise. I’m pissed that I’ve probably lost my job under these circumstances but I also have to realize that everything happens for a reason and it’s probably time for me to get into something else.

It’s just crazy that I’ve had 2 days now to try and piece this together in my head and be okay with it. Yeah the place is a fucking shit hole like no other but it’s what I’ve known for so long and what I’ve just gotten used to. It’s hard to believe that I may not be there anymore. I was called earlier to come in but when I showed up everything was fine so I was able to leave because I didn’t want the manager to get in trouble for being there and I didn’t have on the right shoes or shirt. I was actually applying for a job when I was called in and was happy that word hasn’t traveled far enough for her to not call.

I honestly believe that the decision has been made and no one has the balls to just fucking tell me. I think she’s pushing for me to be done because I called her a stupid bitch. Well, I’m sorry that she embarrassed me and made me uncomfortable so it came out. She pushed for the fight she got and now she’s obviously going to do everything within her power to prevent me from being there. I get it. I’m okay with it because I’ve been so fucking sick of that place the past few weeks and I’m ready to get into another job. I can honestly say I’m ready for a change. I’m so fucking sick of all the people I work with, tired of the same old grind everyday and more sick of it being so unbelievably hot in there that it’s hard to think, much less work.

My biggest thing now is just my bills. I’m just in a full blown panic mode because I have a car payment due on Friday and the bills aren’t going to stop. It’s been nice having 3 days off now but I’ve spent a lot of it worry about my bills and what I’m going to do until I find another job. I think it’s complete bullshit that I’ve been left in limbo this long and I am now getting really resentful because of it.

Everyone tells me that I should file for unemployment if I am for sure fired but I’m sure I won’t get it for one reason or another. I guess it would be worth a shot but I’m not even going to get excited about the possibility. I’m more anxious to find another job, a different one where I wouldn’t have the same problems as I have for so long. I have just been so tired of never getting off work when I’m supposed to and being made to feel like it’s okay to just work my life away for less than minimum wage and never get time for my family. The job hasn’t been worth it for a long time but I’ve stayed because I never have time or energy to look for something else. I have a lot of regret because I’ve passed up several better paying job offers to stay at this hell hole and everyday things just get worse for one reason or another.

After Friday night when I was on the verge of heat stroke, I remember laying in my bed thinking about my job and how it’s not even worth it anymore. I’m so sick all the time from the heat and how it affects me physically, even on my days off I’m still trying to recuperate. I was really sick the other night with a horrible stomachache, I couldn’t stop sweating even with the ac on and couldn’t get enough water in me to feel satisfied. It’s really scary because I’m a type 1 diabetic and I’m honestly scared of the damage this could be doing.

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past 2 days thinking about how much I want to go back because of bills but then I ask myself if I even want to. I’ve just never had a job suck the life out of me like this one has and I just don’t know if it’s what I want anymore. There’s so many jobs out there, so many other chances to find something that would be a better fit for me and I’m going to find it. I want better for myself and maybe with this happening, it’s the push I need to move the fuck on. I’m just so utterly sick of that place and all the bullshit that goes along with it.