i'm so angry. as i should be. *SA* in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

this is again from yesterday:

‘I don’t express my anger a lot. and it actually scares me. well anger in general scares me. when I have expressed it a way I’ve done it is I’ve cried.

I um. i’m so angry about it. ‘that’. ‘what happened to me’ w/e you want to call it. as I should be. and yeah I should be I have every right to be. and not just about the SA but about what happened when I was little. I was. hurt. verbally. I think I’ve always been in some way but I didn’t fully experience that until recently.

and also. yeah about what my mom put my through. I. that’s something i’m going to bring up tomorrow w/ my ‘emotions dr’. not just the anger part. but what actually happened. I haven’t talked about it in yrs. but every so often it’ll come up in my blog entries. my mom feels so bad about it so terrible. when it’s your own parents doing that stuff. it’s different than a friend or an ex or w/e. it’s like this is my own mother who did it ya know? [or maybe you don’t].

and yeah. again I should be angry about that stuff. and my way of working through stuff is to take it out on others. some, others. not like I should take it out on myself either that isn’t much better. which I know I shouldn’t do. it’s not right but it makes sense. and i’m no better than they are. and I don’t like that. like I don’t want to be in the same category as my ra- as ‘him’. as ‘them’. but here I am. ‘