oh ef they're going to weigh me *ED talk* in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

which ya know. in and of itself isn’t that big of a thing. I should be. ok - good in that dept. they haven’t in like 4 months. I figured it would come up eventually.

I meant to weigh myself at bed bath beyond when I was at my mom’s but there’s been so much going on. and yet nothing at the same time that it just. didn’t happen.

no but see. the only person I actually want weighing me. is my dr. so that I can prepare for the appt. and get away w/ weighing the amount they want. [one of my drs. they’ve all been interns except for megan says so long as the weight is w/I a range of certain #s then i’m good. 10# and 10#. um.........a range of 3#s. I won’t put what]. so that I can gain. however much. which I think they know and that’s why they’re not doing it my way. I mean they’re not stupid.

and also. it’s my body. I should be the one deciding this. instead of ‘oh so we’re going to make this decision about your body for you’. [I put this in my other blog]. I don’t want it to ever be anyone else’s. which they apparently don’t respect. they won’t change anything. no one’s [well not’no one’. I mean regarding steph. and by ‘no one’ I mean steph] willing to risk their job that much. I would never make the decision for someone about who’s weighing them. no I like to think I care about people [and I don’t always] and have more tact than that. but that’s also why I wouldn’t want a job like steph has. iknow it might be different if I actually did but I don’t so it’s not.

yeah ya know. I don’t like not being listened to. I don’t like it when people make decisions for me about my body. but it’s fine. ya know. why would it matter that I was ra-‘that’. not like it’s some big life altering thing.
which is exactly my point. that it is big and it should matter. and it does. maybe not to them but to someone out there. this is one of the times when I want someone to advocate for me. but my ‘emotions dr’ doesn’t believe in that. i’m not bashing self-advocacy here. this is one of the few times where people should make exceptions for me.
even if they knew about. ‘that’ [well amber at least does. she’s in as I call it the circle w/ steph, Jennifer yelling lady, jenn, Hannah] I don’t know that they’d make an exception, so. no point in trying. i’d rather have a sure thing than a maybe only to be shot down again.