Let Me See... in meh...

I wonder if neat freaks get exhausted being neat freaks? Keeping everything just so, and such. I gave my place a thorough cleaning. I’m not obsessive about cleaning, but I do believe in order and organization. So my kitchen is tiny. It’s like a box sitting in another box. This means when it’s junky and unclean there is spill over into the “dining” portion of the room. At any rate, my son received a thorough verbal warning about keeping my kitchen beautiful. I love to cook therefore my kitchen must be beautiful.

I finally got out and went to see my friend play sax with this band he plays with. He is like way shorter than I thought he was. I haven’t seen him pretty much in a year. I was sitting when I first met him, then the second time we took a picture together, I was still sitting. The third time I was sitting at a bar. So I had no clue he was so short. :-) But anyway, I was busy in the house all weekend and ventured out to get items to eat for the concert at the farmer’s market. So it was like a pinic, but after being home so long, cooking something for my son before I left and noshing before I left, I didn’t have a need to take the sopressat, capicolla, & proscuitto and cheese. I did take my sauvignon blanc and pita crakers. It was a beautiful night.

Me going to that brings me to my hang out buddy who learned of my plans and fussed at me that I made plans with out her. Well, let’s see. She informed me of a free park concert featuring a local band that I LOVE. Never said anything else about it even after she started talking about fear of the rain. Next thing I know, she has posted a picture of her feet sitting on a blanket with a cooler and she was at the park. She also went skating, and did one other thing. Not to mention she was going to a party this very night. We were on the phone and she said she had a call reminding her of the party and yet she was out in the store picking up shoes to go with her outfit to this party that she forgot about until this call came up. F.O.S. What I’ve started doing is just, well, doing. I’ve never been one to annouce “I’m going to start doing to you what you all do to me like all the time.” Right before me and my bff fell out, they’d been on me about coming out to hang. So the night I decide I was going to come, I got dressed and waited and waited. When I finally reached out to see what was what, I found they were already in route…to the hang out spot. That smarted. That’s the stuff that I’m talking about, but when I do the same it turns into “You don’t invite me into your social life,” or “How you making plans without me?”

Like I told hang out buddy, I’ve become too dependant of my plans surrounding whether or not my people can make it. I don’t have a car so I make suggestions and if they are up for them, then let’s do it.

Also to, when she graduated…::smh:: Let’s just say I don’t compete with boyfriends/relationships. I will lose everytime.

We went out to to hear another local favorite band. It was all groovy and I paid for her eats and drinks and eventually the whole tab for the whole damn night. Not that I’m balling, but I had it to do and it’s more than that broke ass mfr could deal with. I swear. Everytime he is around and the bill comes out he looks like he was just handed a death sentence. He looks at the bill, studies it like he’s checking the watermark. Anyway that graduation night. He showed up. Everything was all good. I was listening to the band and not thinking about them, but then she turned to me and said I may have to take a cab home. Now, I don’t know if it was because she was drunk or if they were talking about leaving to go do it or something. I don’t know, but that was some bullshit. I took out my purse, looked inside for my bus pass and when I realized it wasn’t there, I took out a little envelop I had and was checking the coins I had for bus fare. I was so for real. I checked the bus times and told them goodbye because the last bus was about to show up for the night. She was laughing because I made it seem like a joke, but from that point on…it kind of puts things into a perspective for me. I hadn’t talked to her since that night. No texts or anything. To add injury to insult when we leave, she tells me that when there are big events where we hang out I’m going to have to rent a car. All I heard was the same old song, “You live too far, and I don’t want to come pick you and have to drop you off.” Again, that smarts, especially coming from the person who made you feel better about your situation when your other friends & family treat you like you’ve got the plague.

So I’m done talking. I’m just doing. And I’m well within my right to.

What’s next. Okay, so I thought I made a new friend. Not the thing I was highly disappointed about in the short blog. There was someone that I connected with on here. A lot things with me seem reactionary, but that’s only because when I feel something I’ve been conditioned to not say it first because I don’t want things I feel not reciprocated. But I felt. Period. I felt. I haven’t had that newness feel in a while. Maybe that’s what it was. The novelty in the mystery of newness. But I guess that’s gone now. No new friend for me. ::shrugs::

Anyway, I guess that’s it.
Oh i saw a dude on the bus that made dredlocs look like a jheri curl. Kinda gross. LOL

Respectfully yours,
Sister…