What.. the.. fuck.. just.. happened..? in Just another day in Paradise...

EDIT: My birthday is next Saturday, June 13th.. ‘tis my favorite number.

Real quick before I leave to go to the UFC Fights.. no, it was not the alcohol. I’ve wondered about Ian for a long time for a variety of reasons. He also sort of made overtures toward Shayla and sorta me while I was with her. She and I would talk about it, but dismissed it.. then Meredith is always asking me to go talk to her on smoke breaks, and always telling me I’m her favorite of Ian’s friends, and always very touchy feely even without the alcohol. When we dancing, before she was drunk, I kept my distance from her and Sam (Steve hates dancing, and Ian doesn’t like to either) and Sam was fine, we got close, but nothing inappropriate. Meredith though kept purposely moving to grind on me, which was not really okay with me. Anyway, she’s always asking Ian if they can take me to karaoke at Kajun’s a bar not far from their apartment in the French Quarter. And he always said he’d give me a ride. So I’d be drunk, maybe, dancing with them, them my only ride home, near their place.. see what I’m saying? Not a coincidence, but yeah maybe the alcohol provided the impetus to actually do something, but it’s been percolating. That seems obvious to me now.

Oh! Not to be dour as I depart..

Bryan and I are eating lunch at Zea’s and he paid (I almost argued, but he knows me the fucker. He said he’s got the bill and I better not say a word. I’d always argue!) and paid the tip. I slipped two dollars into the bill folder, and he said he’d already tipped.

“I know you did, but that’s for the photo I’m asking her to take.”

Bryan said, “Really? You’re tipping her for a photo?”

“Yeah, it seems right. Look at it this way when you go home and your wife asks how it went, you can tell her I thought you were worth two dollar bills.”

Bryan said, “Great, so I’m a two dollar whore.”

“Well, not exactly, that’s two dollars with your tip.”

Too funny.

So I asked the waitress to snap the photo with my phone, and she said sure. As we’re exiting the booth to go stand in a corner of the eatery, I decided to be annoying.

“Thanks for taking the photo, it’s out first date, I wanted to commemorate it.”

Bryan groaned and went to disagree.

“He’s the woman, by the way.”

She laughed.

“No, just kidding, I haven’t seen this guy in 12 years!”

She said, “That’s awesome? High school friends?”

“Yeah, we went to Jesuit together and were best friends. I’m Brian, and his name’s Bryan, but he spells it wrong.”

Bryan said, “No, I don’t. Jackass.”

She takes one photo, and I went to ask her to take a second when she offered to do so in case the first didn’t come out great.

“Awesome. If it ends up not looking good it’s his fault, cause I’m clearly the better half.”

Okay, I really must go.

Weird fucking night, but it was fun! All 5 of us even sang together a song Steve tried to screw me with by putting it in the queue without telling me. Was so much fun!

Back to the fucked up part of the night I didn’t edit below.

So. I’ll write details later.

Date happened a while back. Went well.

Today I met Bryan for lunch, then spent 6 hours essentially filling him in on my life and listening to him rant about God.

Then I went over to Sam and Steve’s and we met Ian and Meredith (her friend Mary I ‘insulted’ as you may recall) for karaoke at a local dive bar..

Everything went great.

I danced.

I laughed.

I made others laugh.

I sang.

I was my typical, well, Brian self.. I thrive on social settings. Ian even sang and I know he’s super self-conscious so I grabbed a mic and danced while singing horribly.

I make people comfortable and then I make them happy.

That’s what I do.

Meredith’s first song she told me was what she thought of me. I’d never heard it before..

“Touch of Grey” by The Grateful Dead

Then at the end of the night, Meredith is drunk and pulls me outside. She smokes. I detest smoking, but I understand the situation so I go.

I was exhausted. Karaoke ended. I was ready to go home. Tomorrow’s a big day.

Mind you, Ian doesn’t drink. The rest of us were all various levels of intoxicated. I was fine, as was Sam, Steve a little bit tipsy.. Meredith was pretty drunk.

Sam comes out, and Meredith is rambling.. I want to go, but Sam humors her..

Finally texted Ian, “Hey come get Mere? She’s a lil drunk..”

Steve and Ian walk out.. and we’re talking, and she’s rambling.

Then Meredith says come here I need to ask you something.

Okay, we walk around the tree we’re sitting near.

She says, “Can I ask a serious question?

“You just did. Kidding, kidding..”

She says, “Seriously, can I ask you a serious question? I need an honest answer.”

“Yeah, go for it. I’m too tired to play (my verbal war games) anyway.”

She says, “How do you know if you’re polyamorous?”

“Uh, I don’t know, really. I’m not. So I dunno.”

(Which is rare for me to ever say I don’t know something. Shutup!)

She says, “No, really, how do you know if you’re polyamorous?”

“Don’t know, honestly. I’m truly one heart, one love. That’s just me.”

So I rub her bicep slightly reassuringly and start to walk away..

She grabs me from behind and starts grabbing my chest.

The looks, were.. well..

Ian never makes a move.

She’s been asking Ian to take me to karaoke for a while. I always found it odd that he’d offer to pick me up. I can drive. I figured it was to save gas..?

She starts fucking groping me. Right there. In front of Sam and Steve.

I wrangle myself free, and she’s grabbing every part of me she can.

What.

The.

Fuck.

We slide inside the bar, and Sam and Steve are in front of me, and this is literally what I said..

“Move faster. Must move faster. Go, go. Move faster, Jurassic fucking Park guys, must go faster!”

Steve then stops, blocking the narrow hallway to the back lot where we parked.

Meredith had followed us in, and I thought she was coming, but she didn’t show.

Steve was laughing.

Sam I don’t think acknowledged it much verbally.

We get in the car, and I’m like where the fuck did tonight just go?

I had fun.

What the fuck though?!

This is not the first time a very good friend’s girlfriend has groped me and tried to.. do something.

And I see Ian and Meredith Sunday night at my house for gaming..

I just don’t ..

Why?!

Why can’t I just find the right girl for just me?!

Goddamnit.

UFC Fight Night in New Orleans on Fox Sports tomorrow night! I’ll be there. My birthday present from Sam and Steve. Really excited for it..

I don’t know what to think, honestly.

I’m going to sleep this off.

Last updated June 06, 2015