Envyville - Population: Me in Everything Else

I envy people who can let things go. It has to be an innate thing, as I don’t know how one could learn that. I want so desperately to let things go, to not be paranoid & afraid, but getting burned so bad in the past, I can’t trust anything anyone says and I am afraid of everything! I can trust one person I know of and that is my mom. I can trust my sister to a point, but not 100%. After that, there is nobody and that is probably the saddest statement I can make about my life.

In other news: I will never understand why companies with websites & automated phone call centers never put outage notices on their sites or at the beginning of their automatron. I spend over 20 minutes this morning trying to log into our work cell phone account to get the statement and I could not get in! I had the right login, but there was never a place to enter my password, nothing came up. I went to re-register and got a message “Requires valid company name”. How does Verizon determine what a valid company name is? Needless to say, I tried our full legal name, our DBA name and nothing. Then when I called the number they didn’t have an option for my problem and when I finally reached a live human person, she informs me (after five minutes of taking my information) that they entire portal is town & a master ticket was open. So, why make people wait & have to call, just through a banner up on your website & have HAL tell you when you call! The only reason I was kind of worried is because I don’t fully trust our IT department to not go in and change the account settings & lock us out even though they are supposed to have zero access to the account! See, trust issues.

Do you ever get a big pile of work done and then as soon as you get ready to work on something else, six other things float into your box that have to do with the first pile of work you finished? Every time I enter a batch. Every. Single. Time. Sigh…that is what tomorrow is for.

Television sucks. If you don’t watch reality/competition/supernatural/”comedy” there is nothing for you. Last night I couldn’t find anything that didn’t make me want to shoot the television. Even the hockey game sucked ass. It was so boring that I quit watching it and then fucking Chicago scores twice. It was like the Penguins had switched places with the Lightning. A scenario I am all to familiar with; have a lead, blow it late. But then I was in the worst mood possible & even Friends (my standard go to) was annoying. I should have just locked myself in my closet & listened to a rainscape on the iPod.

I am trying Pacifica. I downloaded it a month or so ago, but never really paid attention to it. So now, when I see it pop up on my phone, I take it to the bathroom (the quietest place anywhere except a mall or airport), plug my buds in and try to relax. I am hoping it works, that I can get through the next couple of months (really until I can get through my supposed evaluation that is supposed to happen this year) and I think I will be fine. I hope anyway, otherwise I have to start looking for something else. I keep looking at the internal job postings, but so far there is nothing I would leave for. I am n0t going to move to the middle of nowhere & I sure as hell am not going to live in a town that only boasts a Pamida as its go to store. I am also not moving to a city where you can’t find a place to live that doesn’t require two incomes minimum. Seriously, the house prices there are laughable. Their market is saturated with $300k+ two bedroom homes. It’s not California, New York, DC, Boston people. It is Podunk USA. Plus the thought of relocating is nauseating for the simple fact of having to pack and then unpack. Plus I would have to get new doctors and dentists and no.

They should have upgraded the insulation in our building just for sound alone. I can hear all the little whispers and it bugs me because I can’t hear the whole thing. I think I would be happier if I didn’t hear anything rather than hearing hushed voices or like blister lips down the hall, everything she says to every person. She has no concept of confidentiality.

Okay…I have half an hour before my visit to hell…aka lunch with the bitches, I think I will try to get through email and this afternoon I can do some sorting & filing. Tomorrow I can do coursework.