Divorce? in Inside My Head

I am going to be sick. My husband has informed me (only after I had badgered him) that he will likely lose his job. Again. He was laid off in 2008 during the recession. He and I were about to move to Jersey City at the time after I had graduated PA school and had gotten a job there. I would be are only income, which he assured me would be short term. I had to work two jobs to support us. One job was meant to support us and the other was meant to build up a savings account, but Mike decided to go nuts with credit cards and put us 18k in debt. His answer: I was tired of not having money and I was irresponsible and stupid. Last year I paid off the remainder of the credit cards. I could have stayed on maternity leave longer, had a bigger savings account, or done some work in the house with the 18k plus interest I paid.

Fast forward three years later and he first gets a job for bullshit pay, but we needed the money. He went back to school to get a Master’s is accounting. He failed to maintain a 3.0 so he never actually got a degree. He already had a MBA, so it was not a total loss. This job with a bullshit paycheck he assured me was temporary; he would stay one year, get his CPA, and then get out.

Fast forward three years and he first got his CPA last January and was still in the b.s. job. The boss had offered him a promotion and transfer to a different department in June. Less than a year later, Mike is going to be fired because his boss is “an asshole.” He won’t elaborate.

I’m already calling lawyers regarding the foreclosure process and divorce. we bought a house that needed work and whilw we got some projects done, a bunch more are needed. I only bought the house 3 years ago and we dont have much equiry. I’m sick because I won’t be able to pay all of the lawyers’ fees and will end up in credit card debt. Again. I’ll have to work two jobs again to pay everything off. I’ll have to shuffle Sam back and forth between Mike and I. I’ll owe Mike alimony.

I’m seriously considering taking a bunch of pain medication and calling it quits. Im 32 years old. I can’t handle this. I don’t want to leave my son. He’s only a baby and doesn’t deserve the shitty life we just forced him into. I don’t know what to do any more. I want to curl in a corner and cry. Or run away. Or die.