The missing thread in A new beginnging.

I think I am able to put this into words.
It has been too long.
Like after a certain point my brain shuts off and I don’t understand the next steps.
I shut off.
I go into overdrive and convince myself to stop whatever I am doing.
I haven’t let it get that far because I can finally see my way out of this. I can finally see the pattern.
Tim and I slept together (FINALLY!!! -As Abby would say)
I mean, it wasn’t “finally”…it was just time.
I don’t have time to go into a lot
Tim is a great guy. The things I have been wanting for so so long, he has them. I have known that I deserve to be treated a certain way, and he brings that out.
But I am struggling.
There’s a disconnect.
No, no.
There is like a fight going on.
this fight that I am having with myself. The argument that I am losing.
don’t throw away the nice guys just because you are used to being with shit.
These things I have wanted in other people, hoping they would change.
The things I am now getting and have no fucking idea what to do with them..
Don’t screw this up, self.