Dilemma with the step mom in Side Effects
Revised: 05/19/2015 4:33 p.m.
- May 18, 2015, 5 a.m.
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- Public
Today went smooth. Even though I woke up later than usual, it helped that Chelsea already had her backpack ready. So I gave her a quick breakfast and did her hair as fast and tight as I could (lice epidemic at school and some really REALLY sloppy parents are making it impossible for the school to be lice-free). Adrian has been taking Chelsea to school every morning for the past, maybe, 6 months. It’s a 10 minute drive, back and forth. It gives me time to finish ironing his clothes, finish his breakfast, or tend to Hilda, especially if it is cool out or if she is sleeping. ONCE in a while Chelsea and I will go walking, which she enjoys, but it takes about a half hour out of my morning, which isn’t a bad thing, it is spending time with her. But if I take Hilda, it’s hard on me, because she wears 12 kilos.
Anyway, Adrian skipped breakfast and walked to work. The University is a 10 minute walk away, and he’s been walking for a week now. He’s trying to watch his weight and has actually been going to cross fit training for 3 months now. So that keeps him motivated and LESS stressed.
Me? I wish I had the time to exercise. Not like a need to lose weight, mostly to get stress out, and also because I feel SO weak. I miss bike riding, but Adrian isn’t all up for babysitting while I bike ride all night :(
Lately my days consist of organizing and reorganizing. There is an idea in my head on how my house should look like and how I want it to be run. Trying to transition imagination with the reality is hard. My mother is a borderline horder, has always accumulated clutter and has “organized” it in her own little way.
We grew up on a budget, wearing hand me downs, and furnished the house with used furniture that we took care of as if were brand new. We took care of things because we knew it was all we had. And I still have that rooted deep in me.
My parents retired and invested their savings very well. They live a very comfortable life and were finally able to buy their own home. They splurge when they want to, vacation, they each drive their own car and have them in mint condition. My mother, who rarely every bought herself clothes, who had a seamstress buy inexpensive material and transform it into presentable work clothing, now has a walk in closet full of clothes and shoes galore. She buys and buys stuff, and sometimes forgets what she even bought, she has it put away, and has so much clutter.
It drives me crazy to see my 72 year old have a house full of junk, and for everyone to tell me “I don’t take care of her”, that “I should help her clean her house”. Have you ever watched HOARDERS? That’s my mom! She will curse me out as soon as I try to move or clean something. We get into BAD, hurtful fights. But it is pattern whe wants to impose on me.
I’m a practical girl. Mom buys and buys Chelsea clothes, and more clothes “she needs” and I have nowhere to put it all. Of course, I appreciate the generosity. But the issues I have with this are
1) what she spends
2) the space it takes up
3) that it is so much that Chelsea doesn’t even wear it all
4) the fact that I feel that Chelsea will begin to think that things just come with no effort, and she won’t appreciate the real value of things
This is maybe partly the reason I have a never ending laundry pile and Chelsea complains she “always” has to put clothes away. My goal this month is to take out all the clothes that don’t fit Hilda and Chelsea…and urge my mother NOT to buy anymore. I will buy as I need. We went through drawers last night and Che has about 30 pairs of underwear that mom says always come in handy. Please, I have a washing machine. I wash clothes, she will never run out of underwear. 10 maybe 15 is fine, but 30?
My mom won’t change completely, but I’m trying to convince her to give a lot of stuff to charity which is appealing to her. That, or give it all to Chelsea’s stepmom, Julie. Julie, years ago, we had our issues. I haven’t seen her in years to be honest, but I’m over any hatred I had towards her. I realize she wasn’t the person I was supposed to be angry at, it was really Edie, Chelsea’s father who was at fault. After I kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce, he went back to her. RIght now, I feel sorry for her. She works all day, all week. And on the weekends she pays a cuota to well in her neighborhood market. She makes and sells tacos, popsicles, and sells used clothing. Meanwhile, Chelsea’s dad lays on his ass all day. Chelsea confessed they are having problems and suspects they might split up.
So I don’t know if I’m wrong for considering giving Chelsea used clothes for her stepmom to sell to help her. Because, at the same time, for 5 years I raised her 2 sons, and paid for everything out of my own pocket. She was like, ON VACATION, for 5 years, while I got them up every morning, ironed their uniforms, shined their shoes, made them breakfast, did homework with them, bought everything they needed for school, uniforms, clothes, soccer uniforms, soccer shoes, etc. And now that Chelsea needs child support, I’m getting no help from them whatsoever, AT ALL. So she I just be mad that the help isn’t reciprocal? Or should I feel sorry for the misery she must be going through supporting a freeloading asshole of a husband and 2 teenage boys, and send her some clothes so she can make some money?
The soft side of me has always won. But sometimes I feel I should stop being the good guy, and not be afraid to show that I am mad, very mad for them not appreciating everything I did for the boys, and for not taking responsability for Chelsea.
After writing this, I see I didn’t realize how much this was bothering me.
Anyway, I hung with the girls all afternoon while Adrian napped. He went to the gym while we showered and got ready for bed. We had an excellent dinner, leftover from lunch that I made that was delicious. Carne arrachera con papas, arroz rojo, agua de papaya. The girls were out in a matter of minutes.
Last updated May 19, 2015
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