worked so damn hard to get here in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

ya know. back before I saw that email. I believed I was pretty. and now I don’t. all I did was post a photo. like I wasn’t mean to this person I didn’t email them. or anything. so that’s the other thing. it was just so random. and confusing for that reason. like um ok..............the hell did this come from? if someone’s going to comment on my looks say something nice. I would never tell someone they’re attractive. even if they’re not. i’d certainly never say it.
i’m really easily influenced. and not everyone is and that’s fine. i’m just not one of those people. and w/ something like that yeah i’m going to pay attention to it. that’s just how I am. it feels weird not functioning that way. w/o some form of chaos. like I know how not to do it. I just. it’s not me.
I genuinely believe other people think i’m attractive. in some form. but I don’t right now. and I don’t know how long it’ll take until I do. i don’t remember [or don’t want to be bothered remembering, to be honest about it] how long it took last time. I don’t [as usual] really want. advice or anything. I just. want to be listened to [er read rather. well I guess that’s avoidable when this entry’s going to be front page news]. and know people care.