15-05.08.94 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Things have been quiet and… maybe a bit weird since my last entry. That happens, though. I was contacted by my mother that a former boy scout who was once in my troop before I quit was now leaving a job as a county attorney in the county where I attended college. I contacted him and he put me on to a page where all of the Iowa County Attorney jobs are listed. There are seven officially listed on the page, 6 of which are full time positions. To really drive home how insanely disparate different county governments can spend (even if all within the same state) the proposed salaries range from anywhere around $30,000 to $95,000. And the 30 isn’t even the part time position… seriously!

So… as is my desperate desire, I wanted to get all 7 applications done and sent out as soon as possible. They require everything from your basic Resume/CV to a writing sample to a cover letter to (sometimes) a full separate form to demonstrate desire to work in and support the community and more. Fairly standard but definitely more involved than most applications for employment I’ve done before. As I said… I wanted to get all 7 finished and sent out as soon as possible… I actually finished none today. I don’t know what it is this evening… just… I’m consumed with this desire to just shut my brain off for the rest of the evening and stare into nothingness for a while. The earliest application is due on May 14th; so I have time. But there’s an emotional block to all of this, too. I know most of those jobs won’t be filled via resume submission. Most jobs in this sector are filled by knowing someone who knows someone. But…it would be really nice if at least half of them called me in for an interview and really nice if one of them offered me a job :D But, of course, because of how I think… even THAT concerns me because if I do get a job right now, they likely would not be super thrilled to have me gone for two weeks in June/July for family reunions and I was really looking forward to them. But what are you gonna do?

Work today was… work? I was training the sexy Hawaiian again and encouraged her to tackle everything today. She was very impressive. And I don’t often say that… even about women that I find disturbingly sexy. And… she definitely is. It was hard not to go Neanderthal since she was wearing a shirt that highlighted her ample bosom and shared a great deal of high quality cleavage. But at the same time, it was easy to not go Neanderthal because she has so much more than just “obvious sex appeal.” I mean… Hawaiian so Asian features (which is a weakness of mine); Undergrad in Los Angeles so her fashion sense is super keen (as is her makeup, nail painting, and hair); and she is actually remarkably nice and genuinely sweet. If I were still single (and if I were still the person I was when I was single) she is absolutely the kind of girl that I would be friends with in hopes that I could “scoop her up” if she ever broke up with her boyfriend. Because… that’s who I am (or was). Whenever I find a girl that is perfectly my type… she’s always taken. Because kind, beautiful, sexy, well-dressed, intelligent, sweet girls don’t often stay single for long… at least not in the towns where I’ve lived. Which is why I was always “the friend” or “we think he might be gay”… because most of the women I was interested in were single. So… I started taking the WORST advice anyone can give… and they give this advice CONSTANTLY when you’re a kid… and I was getting it from friends and adults alike. “Just ask people out. If you ask out ten girls, and all ten say no; just ask ten more!” And I would do that. So instead of getting the women I wanted; too often I got the women who would say yes… which is a big difference and (probably) affected me to this day.

On a completely unrelated but very personal note… the wife was open to sex last night. I don’t think she’d had a lot to drink but… I wasn’t keeping track and the new bottle of Kraken is 2/3rds gone. Anyway, last night the story is similar to what many of you write but the genders reversed… she gets there and I don’t. I do wonder if that is because I don’t feel as emotionally connected or cared about… but then I also wonder if it is because she doesn’t care about/perform any male-centered foreplay… foreplay is focused on her and then “time to go”. It is something that I’m a little sensitive about, to be honest. I understand that women don’t want a Two Pump Chump and I understand that women don’t want a Marathon Man but… I don’t know. I suppose our sexual dysfunction is deeper than simply “not having sex enough” and that fact isn’t surprising when you consider that our emotional dysfunction is deeper than “not having sex enough.” Oh well. Life isn’t supposed to be perfect… or easy.

My weekend doesn’t look too exciting. I’m returning to Destiny tomorrow with my raid group… we’ll see how that goes. Then just… every day stuff. Cleaning and screwing around on-line and reading and playing video games. But hopefully next week will be interesting. Not only because I would hope to hear back on the job interview front but also because I have 12 hours of Extra Lawyer Learning required back in my hometown. THAT should be interesting.

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After a break to do things… other things that come to mind/brought to my attention....
(1) Because this entry is as long as it is (and because I am strangely tired today) I won’t do Chapter 1 today but I will do Chapter 1 tomorrow.
(2) I need a hobby… or… a new hobby. Something that makes me feel good about myself. Because… my current hobbies… don’t. Not anymore. I don’t have the energy or the ability to be awesome at video games; there aren’t enough people around here to still do Board Game nights or RPG Nights; and collecting just about anything is too costly. :/
(3) Speaking of hobbies… and subsequently of friends…
I have this friend… I’ve written about her before. I wrote out a fantasy about her before. She is thin (though, like so many fucking women in my life is convinced she’s fat), rather pale with very long dark hair and stands at about 5 feet 11 inches. She finished law school a year before I did and passed her bar exams. So… tall, thin, beautiful and a lawyer. And before she came to law school, almost went in to teaching… so there’s that, too.
Anyway, she got a new hobby a few months ago… she’s become quite skilled in this hobby… and posts videos to her facebook page (Honestly, I’d love to post them here but 1- don’t want to violate her privacy and 2- not sure how to). What is this hobby? Pole Dancing. NOW- NO JUDGMENTS! It is legitimate exercise and is really hard to do well, gracefully, and is the kind of work out that kicks your ass. Seriously, no judgments here about this because… damn, it is hard to do well. That being said… it is also really fucking sexy. And the whole thing is just… this… little niggling thing in the back of my mind, man. I’m surrounded by beautiful women… and I’m stuck as merely an observer… cataloging the beauty and moving on.

For any interested, the Pole Dancing thing my friend does is through a pretty awesome group that does all sorts of Aerial Aerobics, Gymnastics and the like

Webpage: https://www.facebook.com/AerialBombshell/info?tab=overview
Facebook Link: http://www.aerialbombshell.com/#&panel1-1