I’ve worn a mask my entire life, I finally took it off last year. gosh almost two years ago now.
I embraced who I actually was at that time, or at least who I thought I was.
I started, without knowing it, on my spiritual path, and path to loving myself ( maybe one and the same) when i turned 28. I started really taking a look at myself, the things I liked, the things I loved, the things I didn’t like. The latter list was the longest and I couldn’t figure out who I had become, or really how, or why.
I was stressed out and worrying about things all the time. Things I had no control over, and believe me when I say that I had no control over a lot of things. my own life mostly in my mid twenties, but I feel like that is the same story for most people in their 20’s . who the hell are you? a series of continuous nights of drinking, drugs, sex & bad life choices. Trying to numb the pain that I didn’t understand. Trying to quiet the demons in my head.
Funny now that I don’t have a desire to drink, I feel healed somehow, like I don’t need the booze anymore, and because of that, I don’t really appreciate the way it makes me feel, especially how it feels the next day. That is one mask I am happy to take off. My alcoholic mask, good riddance. I appreciate being sober now. I have come a long way.
When I joined the business a few years ago, it really made me start looking at myself. Figuring out who I was, I will always give them credit to helping me really figure everything out and getting on the right path. It got to hard though, I was torn, I was trying to keep myself. the self I didn’t really understand and the one who wanted to be in business so bad, separate, it was exhausting, confusing and all around uncomfortable. Now as I am back from my hiatus, and just getting back into the swing of things, I appreciate how I’ve come to figure out that all these different personalities are actually one and the same person. It’s a complicated mind,but it’s much more manageable now that I’m focused & more together. I’m really looking forward to seeing how far I can take this, it’s not scary to me anymore, and more and more I realize the only way I am going to succeed in this business is by being myself. Funny isn’t it?
I feel more together than I have in my life, in a way sometimes, i’m a little overwhelmed, mostly i’m amazed at how far I’ve come and how much I actually went through mentally. It’s true what they say about appreciating the light that much more when you have experienced the dark.
spiritually I feel ive been a little behind in the last couple weeks, focusing more on the new relationship instead of just on myself, which i’ve been doing for so long.
but I think that I will be able to balance everything out just nicely. it’s busy but it’s peaceful. I love where I am with my spirituality I love that I’m becoming able to articulate to people my belief’s, as I am not really great with words ( vocally, anyways)
I love that I don’t care what people think about me or what I believe. I’m here to learn from people, and vice versa ( whether they realize it or not. }
I am going to do good things in this world. Spread the light, spread the love <3
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