Another day in the life of me. in Since OD is shutting down....

Glad to have another work week over with. Yesterday I worked all fucking day and it was hotter than shit inside of my store. I about lost my mind. It was super hard to concentrate and everyone was bitching about it. I hope that it’s never like that again. I have never sweat that much at work before and don’t want to go through it again.

So, Eric and I are completely done. Things haven’t been particularly great lately because he’s been upset that I haven’t spent a lot of time with him but then when we could have hung out, I wouldn’t hear from him. Well, last night I asked him about some girl he was talking to at his work. I didn’t even know he was talking to someone, but just wanted to see if he would confess to anything. Yes, I know totally not something I should have done and nothing I’ve done before. Well he admitted to talking to his brother’s ex. Okay, no big deal. Well I wanted to see him but he was being a complete asshole and we ended up not hanging out. Well yesterday I was at work dealing with people not getting along, the heat and my brother flipping out because I didn’t get off work right away so I could go pick up his kid, Eric sends me a picture of him with some girl.

Just a selfie of him with some girl. No explanation. I didn’t dare to ask about it after him already upset that I had asked about the girl he had been talking to at his work and him saying I was “jealous” and “acting like his ex” so I went in the bathroom at work and blocked him. I just didn’t feel like it was even worth my time to ask about it especially knowing he would have turned it into me being jealous and what not. I just don’t appreciate his meek attempt at making me jealous when I’ve told him this whole time that I wanted him to find someone that can give him what he needs and how I don’t want a relationship right now because I still have a lot to figure out within myself. I just think it’s really shitty of him to go out of his way to make me jealous and attempt to hurt me. I’ve been through enough with past relationships and I refuse to allow yet another shitty relationship into my life to further fuck up my head and make it that much harder for me for when I do find a decent guy.

I am sorry for not showing him love and compassion more and it’s just another reminder as to why I should probably just be alone. I just got sick of him not having a car and me always being the one to make it possible for us to see each other. I also had my concerns about him having a bar fixation and how I just don’t want a guy that has the need to be there. He always said how he wanted to settle down and blah blah blah but if that was the case, I feel like he would have made a real attempt to make it happen with me. There was honestly just too many problems with Eric but after him sending that picture, it was just clear that he was all about hurting me and I am just not going to let myself go back down that road with someone, especially when there’s no future with them because they aren’t in a good place.

I took my niece to the circus today and it was a lot of fun. I’m glad that I get to have her because if I didn’t, I worry that I would just be a fucking hermit outside of work. She’s very loving with me and always wants me around and honestly, sometimes I get frustrated with it because I just want time for myself on my days off but I know that her seeing me is so important to her so I just have to be the best aunt to her as I can. She wants me to get her from daycare tomorrow and I probably will but I’m hoping I will be able to have time for me at some point in the evening.

This Eric thing is bothering me and maybe I should have asked about the picture but I’m glad I didn’t. I think he’s just trying to play games and I’m not going to waste my time and energy because if he truly cared about me, he wouldn’t have sent the picture in the first place. I thought I had done a really good job of trying to tell him about my past and the shit men have put me through and I was really hoping that he would have turned out to be different, or at least not go about things like my ex’s have and he not only did some of the same things, but raised the bar by sending me a fucking pic of him and some chick?!!??!?!?!!?!?!

I know that all of this happening, or at least most of it is my fault. I knew once he told me he loved me and really wanted a relationship, I should have been EVEN MORE CLEAR about not wanting anything serious for awhile. He told me he understood but then still played the jealous needy boyfriend type and would get angry when I told him I can’t see him every night and always thought I had some other dude one the side. I know that because of my ex and how much he hurt me, I should have ran from Eric to avoid anyone getting hurt. I can completely understand why he sent that picture, it’s to hurt me for what I put him through even though I did communicate I didn’t want anything serious. I did deep down but wasn’t willing to even put much thought into it until he got a car and stable place to live. I just couldn’t take him loving me seriously until he was established or I would have felt like he had ulterior motives. I honestly feel that he had 1 of 2 motives for sending that pic.

I’ll have to talk about this tomorrow. I’m a tad loaded and need to sleep it off.

Last updated May 03, 2022