I will try in Random Thoughts

I am going to try and write an entry, but i am not sure i can get much out. I had another intense counseling session, though i am not as emotionally devastated as i was previously. Still, we are getting into some pretty deep stuff, but in the back of my mind i am thinking, “i know, i know, but how do i fix this? how to i make it better?” I know it is a journey. It wont come easy.

The reason i think i wont have much to say is that i feel somewhat disconnected from the session- i can’t recall much of what we spoke about. Maybe that is a defense mechanism. Perhaps i can get some of the ideas across via bullet points.

• i have never truly felt safe enough in an intimate relationship to fully express my needs/wants/opinions, but i have in friendships
• i am scared of expressing said needs/wants/opinions because of fear of vulnerability

Goodness gracious, i am stuck. I know these last two bulleted points already. I can’t remember what it was that made me the most sad, that touched me the deepest. I wish i had a transcription of the conversation. i feel to freaking useless right now, that all the work that went into that counseling session was for naught.

Eff it anyways. Goodnight.