no regret in Random Thoughts

I am laying here on my tummy, listening to Kevin make spaghetti for dinner. I will never regret leaving the tense atmosphere and negativity.

I came back from picking up coffee and the music was really loud. Granted, I could have just asked if he could turn it down, but I just turned the nob a little bit. I had a headache and just didn’t feel like it. He yells from the kitchen. “Just turn it off”...... Gawd there is more, but I just don’t want to revisit. Him saying he is not mad at me, but practically yelling saying he doesn’t have to be in a good mood.

I used to deal with this all the time and take things personally. He used to be even more tense and terse and passive aggressive over things that he must not feel he has the right to anymore. I am so happy for that. He has no right. He actually had no right before. I knew I should have been treated better, but I just put up with it.

As a result of learned behavior as a young child, I think, as a method of self preservation (maybe) I developed a method of dealing with people’s anger toward me. I forget about it easily and forgive. I don’t recall the details.

I did this all the time. And when future conversations brought up past fights, he would “win” because I would only remember the emotional trauma, not the specific details behind whatever was driving the conflict.

(Now he has the music back on, but it is very low. I wonder how he can hear it “with his ears”)

Le sigh. What it is is what it is and what it is is almost done. I can’t wait for him to be gone.