I want you in Random Thoughts

Often my titles are lyrics or song titles. Sometimes they have relevance to my topic. Currently i am listening to a couple albums that have had significant emotional significance in the past- most closely related to Mark, our relationship, and our breakup. I know it sounds depressing, but it is not mean to be so. I really love these two albums

• Neko Case, Middle Cylone (2009)
  -Death Cab For Cutie, Transatlanticism (2003)

I listened to the Neko Case album obsessively after i broke up with him, while i was in my first teaching job (which was so stressful that i had the most horrid, crazy periods! The blood just wouldnt stop!).

I got this text from Dios last night, before i went to bed (he always texts me with a good night/morning gorgeous/sexy, which makes me smile), and it sent chills down my neck (in a good way, i promise), “I’d like you to come down tomorrow (Friday). Relax after work at home, get a big coffee, and hit the road by eight.”

I was going to drive down (about 110 miles or 2 hours) on Saturday and had kind of considered Friday. I have a mid day gaming date with a group of friends in Eugene, but even though i really love meeting for games, it is a front for me to see Dios.

I have never been so attracted to someone. Ever. The electricity between us is palpable. How can i deny that? Underlying everything i have been dealing with, this question is just beneath the surface. When we were kind of seeing, kind of just sleeping together in 2011 there was an attraction, but something is different this time. The intensity is kind of ..... disconcerting? But that sounds negative. I question how something like this happens. Why not then? Why now? Why am i willing to open myself up to him?

I know partially, or maybe even significantly, it is because what i am going through emotionally and with my self exploration/discovery. I know, also, that what i am dealing with would perhaps not be as sudden and as revelatory if it were not for Dios.

I don’t mean for it to sound like i am giving that much power over to someone else. This would not be happening if it were not for my readiness and willingness to make change in my life.

Students are coming into my class now, it is time for me to close.