What Is Not Seen in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do." James 1:10-30

This was the crux of my week in growing and learning through scripture. It has been a very painful week, one of considerable perseverance. I have been tempted by many things, to some I lost the battle and others I did not give up. Satin has had his workers doing their best to interfere with my relationships with people and I beat myself up for the negative consequences. I learned a few important lessons about God's will, but I will get to that later.

First I need to consider how my emotions play into my spiritual life. I have discovered if they are producing negative situations then they are not scriptural and therefore of Satin's making. I fell hard from grace many times this week in this area. I fell regarding my perspective of a rather serious relapse of a manic and depressive mental state during the past month. Also my ability to discern my feelings in relationship with two important people in my life went completely out the window. My faith that God can, if He wills, heal me of the bipolar illness wavered and fell dangerously to the side of unbelief. Pride, a sense of being disrespected, anger, frustration, shame, immaturity and disobedience all got the best of me at one point or another. A great deal of pain resulted.

But those are the negative aspects of the week. After several days in misery God's word began to slip back in to my mind. His light began to shine in my heart enough I remembered it was the lamp I needed to light my path. I quit dishonestly telling people I was okay when in truth I had been in a dark valley for several weeks and faced the feelings of futility in praying for healing of my illness. God doesn't heal all illness, but He does use all things to a purpose. I began to realize I might not receive total healing, but I have received a great deal. Perhaps where I am is to serve as a testimony in perseverance, or test another to learn patience and understanding of what can't be seen, or give hope to someone who can identify with my trial. To live in that mindset is to live for God's glory.

Another healing began in me when a friend called me concerning a serious problem she has been burdened with for many years. I've not been a good frame of mind to listen much less talk but she has been my closest friend for 32 years. I can't just be there for her when it is a good time for me, so I prayed God would grant me patience, understanding, to carefully listen and most of all no matter what keep my mouth in check and my words be loving the Holy Spirit would work through me. We talked for more than two hours and though she told me I had blessed her with what I shared about turning to Christ it was me that was truly blessed. Her call was a door God opened so I had opportunity to turn to His word, and by speaking it aloud I heard Him speak to me.

I have a friendship which has run a long course of blessings, trials, joy, sadness, sin, forgiveness and redemption by God. At times my emotions have been a great burden for me or both of us. I deeply valued and coveted this relationship, yet more times than not I felt blameworthy for the trials we have been through. One situation we went through caused a long silence in the friendship, harm had been done, more than I had realized. Over time God redeemed and restored the friendship and it grew stronger than ever. Eventually we discussed what had happened and laid it to rest, only I didn't recognize there wasn't resolution and only weeks later that came back to bite me hard. When I learned what had been the catalyst for all the discord in our friendship my emotions took over and I quickly fell from grace. To make matters worse was being treated as I were the only one with wrongful investments and emotions. The denial of mutual culpability left me angry, hurt and feeling used. Again the silence appears to have ensued.

A few days had passed and my emotions calmed and I begun to think about the merits of this friendship, the turmoil I cycle through, the reality of how I am being treated and considered what is the relationship really about. Keeping in mind God uses all things to His glory and taking a painfully raw look at all the circumstances I saw some of His will for me. The eight months of redemption God gave allowed me to put closure to my questions. Blessings, fun, joy between us and learning took place. It was healing for me. In time it also exposed truths I needed to face about us both. One being this relationship as it currently functions is often not healthy for me, another I don't believe I can continue investing regular time into it. I'm still not certain that means completely severing all communication, to throw the baby out with the bath water wouldn't please God by ignoring a fellow Christian. But, I can't continue accepting all the responsibility for what is wrong. There is a need for this person to have self-examination, honesty about motivation and feelings, and amends to be made. Though so much has been given to me, my emotions have produced negative situations and that is not scriptural and can only be Satin stirring trouble.

Excuses for not facing this began springing up when I finally owned this. Thoughts of re-opening discussion of the issue so I could tell what had been said to me, wanting to believe it wasn't remembered, why this is still unresolved for me poured out. It could be justified, it would resolve the problem, we could get on with the ideal aspects of the friendship, every thought was about finding fault and telling what needed fixing, it was all negative and unproductive. Satin was offering me vengeance if I only kept the relationship alive and he would fix my hurt pride for what had happened. What a claw he has dug into my armor!

What would Jesus do? Have faith, be honest, kind, loving, humble, optimistic and forgiving. Can I do all this? Consistently, no. Persistently, yes. I am making progress even as I fail. God in his Providence placed the sermons both this morning and tonight on the pastors heart for me to hear. “We need to be tempted and tested to teach perseverance”. “During temptation we will not be given more than we can handle”. And the focus scripture Heb. 12:1-2, “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” In my discipleship class the teacher was reading from his bible and I heard a translation of humility I never heard before, “holiness of the mind”. That stuck in my head immediately and I asked my Sunday school teacher if that would apply across the board when we talk of humility. He found it a profound and interesting thought, something he had never considered either and we discussed it. I am adopting it. After all isn't that what God desires for us, to be like Him, holy of mind?

During the week I frequently was faced with the teaching of don't look to what is seen but look to what isn't, in other words have faith. All week I had been asking myself, “where is your faith?”. God did many big, obvious things to show me he was faithful and though it took me a while to see from the darkness I finally saw the Light. Grace, mercy and abundant blessings have been rained on me and I feel renewed. Doors are opening, miracles happening and all is God's divine plan unfolding as He sees fit for me. I surrendered to Him my physical pain, mental suffering, emotional hurt, financial worry and grabbed hold of my faith in Christ to lift me up. I remember when Steve told me that not only do I abide in God but He abides in me. Not a day has passed I haven't told myself that and at that moment stopped to feel the presence of the Lord within. Sometimes I haven't felt Him lately, but I did have faith He was there none the less. We are one, inseparable, a fact I understand even deeper in this short time.

Knowing I will continue to fall short and sin I pray God will continue to grant me His grace, show me these tender mercies and keep my path straight as I grow in my ability to please him. I am so grateful for salvation and His promise to love me no matter how unlovable I sometimes feel I am, I know for not a second does he ever not love me. Am I being pleasing to God? Not always, but it is my deepest desire. I'm grateful for the opportunities He gives me to serve Him, blessed by the way the Holy Spirit moves and uses me to witness for God and blessed to know the joy in the trials that come, the perseverance gained and with God's grace I'll know maturity as well.