15-04.12.80 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Oh… the things I’ve forgotten.

Yesterday was kind of a low day for me. My thoughts were persistent and negative and it really did a number on me! So, foolishly, I retreated. Copious amounts of alcohol. Failed attempts at self-pleasure. And lots of video games. Needless to say, when my wife got back from work I was rather inebriated. She asked me to make her drinks (as she also wished to be inebriated) and I complied.

While we were drinking and I was playing video games and Wife was playing on her phone; my Women of Billiards screen saver was playing. I always say (1) Pool is a sexy sport; (2) Women who are good at it are amazing; (3) Some of the sexiest women in the world play pool; (4) I am infuriated when Magazines do Bikini Shoots of these women as they look remarkably sexy while engaged in their sport… you don’t need to strip them down and objectify them to show that they are beautiful women. So… I had that screen saver going. And Wife kept getting distracted from her game by the screen saver… so much so that at one point, she stopped playing the game to specifically watch the screen and cycle through the photos commenting every time at how amazingly sexy the women were. Particularly:
Anastasia Luppova

Emily Duddy

Ga-Young Kim

Shanelle Loraine

Xiaoting Pan

And of course… world famous “Black Widow” Jeanette Lee…

Fast forward to both of us in bed and I’m getting ready for sleep… when she takes off all of her clothes. She never takes off all of her clothes. Honestly. I don’t see my wife naked almost ever. One more way that this marriage differs significantly from what I imagined marriage to be. Not that I imagined marriage to be an orgy or anything but… I always figured marriage would involve sex and nudity on some level at fairly regular intervals. ANYWAY… my wife gets fully naked and actually initiates! Of course… and I’m sad to say… initiates basically means she starts kissing me. Because… our sex life is rare and sex is infrequent… but so is any affection… so “foreplay” is “I’m kissing you now, you’re rubbing me, get on in there.” But we had sex last night. Drunken, super duper late at night, neither of us climaxed sex.

So I’m thinking. And thinking is bad. (1) We may have had sex last night because Wife was in that rare-and-perfect state of drunkenness where she can stomach the thought of sex with me. (2) She may have understood how bad my day was because I’m freaking out so hardcore about the bar results; and this was her way of being supportive. (3) The screensaver of sexy ladies got Wife all worked up and she wanted to express that “worked up.”
So… it, again, makes me wonder/worry/curious… is my wife so sexually averse because she is struggling with her sexual identity? Is she a lesbian and doesn’t know for sure? Am I over-reacting by entertaining those thoughts? And then… more so… am I one of the reasons Wife wants sex so infrequently? I mean… I’d always heard that women like men to last, but there is such a thing as “too long.” Does the fact that I don’t climax before she gets “tired of” the sex something that turns her off? If so… a little foreplay could take care of that, but it isn’t something she’s interested in. Also… I probably wouldn’t have so much stamina if sex didn’t require so much liquid courage for her… but the balancing act is a tricky one to work out.

Yeah… this is what happens when Sex becomes a rarity. That when it finally happens… out of the blue… for no reason… it can ask more questions than it answers.