Still Hurts in In The Eye of Every Storm

I haven’t been here in a while. Honestly, I forgot the damn name to the site. I don’t bookmark it because it’s just something I don’t want found out. Not that there’s much here because I haven’t uploaded all my previous entries from Open Diary ( I don’t even know if we can do that here yet).

Anyway, I just needed to vent, regardless if anyone reads or not.

I haven’t been in touch with my “friends” for quite a while now. 1 kinda does his own thing and he’s come to my children’s bday events. 1 and his gf have long removed themselves from my life ( for who knows what still) and another I can’t really say. We chat on facebook occasionally but he always wants to grab lunch yet flakes everytime I try to set it up. It’s always something and it’s why I dont even bother to invite him to bdays, events, etc…

Tonight though, that last friend was tagged in a facebook post from my ex about how she was hanging with “her boys”.....everyone mentioned above....at an event that was happening in town. He had posted yesterday that he was going and I had commented that I wish I could go but had to work. He replies that he asked someone else and they said I’d likely be working. Hmmm would have made a little more sense to actually ask me directly ya think? Or maybe you really didn’t think about me at all which is more likely the case.

Now, I know we haven’t really been “friends” for a while now. I know I was always the one made to be the odd one out, left behind, not invited, etc…I realized a few years ago that you were all just shitty friends. But I see that post tonight about how they’re all together again (I could care less about my ex though, as I have to want, need, nor desire to see her again in my lifetime) and it just gets me again. Despite the fact that for the most part we haven’t hung out in years, it still fucking sucks to be the odd one out still.

The little voice in my head says, ” god dammit, fuck you guys all over again.”